Tuesday, January 13, 2015

What's the deal with In-N-Out Burger?

What's the fuss about? What's the big deal? What's up?

I've never eaten at an In-N-Out. The last time I stepped foot into one was ten years ago after a Strokes concert, and that was only because I wanted to impress my friends with worldly knowledge. "Sure, I love this stuff! Been eatin' it for years!"

Everyone talks about it like it's a burger smothered in edible gold. They act like the fries don't taste like any other fries from any other fryer. THEY ACT SO HIGH AND MIGHTY.

I figure that's why I've steered clear. Because, don't get me wrong, I can always get down with a good burger. As soon as hype starts creepin' in, I'm instantly turned off. Or maybe it's my inherent nature to disagree with anything anyone has to say. Just 'cause it's fun and I'm bored tee-hee.

This is my first time trying In-N-Out Burger. I can't wait and wonder any longer! Curiosity has a firm grip on my bony shoulders. And it's shaking me hard and my neck hurts. "Eat it! Eat the food! Eat the Goddamn In-N-Out!" (that was curiosity speaking, btw)

I never realized everyone dressed like old-school burger flippers. I like that. Because if I had to work at an In-N-Out, I'd much rather be dressed as a retro-dork than an actual dork-dork.

There's a certain calmness to it all. The bright lights, the color scheme. It feels (and looks) like a McDonald's but way less hepatitis-y.

I'm already thrown off by the menu. Look at the prices! Look at the minimal selections!

I always remember a specific episode of Kitchen Nightmares, where  Gordon Ramsey was berating a restaurant owner about their menu. Apparently, they had way too many choices and options, causing the customer to become confused and flustered. "There's too many items! Keep it simple!" (that was G. Ramsey speaking, btw)

In-N-Out Burger totally must have seen that episode, too!


And that's...good. It's actually good. It's legitimately smart. That episode of KN sooo paid off. 

Sure, they sell more than just hamburgers and fries. They sell shakes. And a choice of cheese on your hamburger. But when you're a fast food joint that mainly sells hamburgers and fries, you might as well just sell some damn good motherfucking hamburgers and fries. 

So the ante is up. The bar has been raised. Will they make the grade?

...but wait!

Along with ketchup, you can load up on peppers! Little, juicy peppers. Everyone knows them as peporoncinis, but I hate writing that word out because blogger always demands that it's spelled wrong.

I also wonder if the owner is such a big fan of the things that they specifically cut out mustard to only offer ketchup and peppers. "Who needs mustard when you have peporoncinis? I'll change the way the world thinks!" (that was the owner speaking, btw)

Well, it looks pretty good. I'm not a stickler, nor am I a snob when it comes to cooked meat, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna like it. That and because I'm a pig. A dirty, rotten pig.

Overall, really good. I'd take another photo of it but I fear getting hamburger-juice on the phone more than the Devil himself. I already hate how my fingers smell like secret sauce and I swear one of those peppers dripped on me.

It's good, though. Trust me.

I'm gonna take a shower now.