KAMEN RIDERS!

I make it no secret that my tastes can sometimes border on ridiculous. Avant garde, I like to say. Of course, it's hard to keep something secret when you blast your weekly travels across the realm of the interwebs, but I at least make an attempt. Well, not really. But you know what I mean.

It's been a long tradition of mine to buy something. Anything. A piece of nothingness that will further my descent into hording and knick-knackery. I'd totally start labeling me diseased and weak minded, but I have some sorta boundaries to control myself -- anything that's cool. Maybe something I can fit in my palm. Collectable. Whether it be miniature, Animal Crossing cell phone accessories or a pile of baseball cards I have zero interest in whatsoever, I'll pick it up. I'll happily throw it into my life and then unhappily realize the uselessness of my purchase at a later, awkward time. What would I ever do with baseball cards? What could I do? Pretend they were Pokemon cards?! That just ain't right.

So one lazy Saturday, I stumbled into a Toys R Us. It's not unusual, and by no means shocking to anyone close in my life, to be galavanting in a department store meant for proud parents and 3rd graders. It's like the family not-so-secret, the sweaty, unshaven uncle who's always drunk, but hey, that's our Uncle Bob! Just replace booze binging with an addiction to make my desk, dusty shelves and coffee table look damn cool. Less terrible of an affliction, overall, but Goddamn you'll have a hard time making room for your ice cold beverages. Keep 'em close to you, and don't spill on the carpet. I hate that.

While making my nightly tumble into another game of Let's Throw Away My Money, I found something to throw away my money on:

Kamen Riders, from BANDAI. Not totally sure when this started existing, but I can get into it. BANDAI always has some pretty neat stuff, even though I never understand what I'm liking. I found them in the clearance aisle, behind the wall of WWE figures that no one ever buys (when the"F" in "WWF" took a hike, so did I) and the curtain of Star Wars swag. I willingly breeze by it these days, knowing full well that I don't need another Max Reebo, or the nondescript, plain looking guy running around in the background on Cloud City. Yeah, that guy. He's got his own action figure. Fuckin' weird.

I got two. Might as well, since I'm stepping up and braving the task of purchasing toys from the young, attractive chick working the cashier. I find it always helps to ask for a gift receipt. It insinuates that you're buying for another (your nephew, buddy's kid's b-day) and that you aren't a grown man buying robots at night. Always seems creepier to be in there late at night. Just screams, "I'm not wearing any underwear under these sweatpants." Oh well. Made my way out unscathed and here we go.

Story goes, these are warriors from Ventara, a parallel dimension from Earth, which you can access from the other side of any mirror. Their world, fabulous Ventara, is full of Advent Decks, the prime source behind a Kamen Warrior's abilities. Which is paying rent on time, or jumping really really high in the air. You choose!

But hey, the evil General Xaviax stole their Advent Decks. Now they're screwed. Except these Kamen Riders? Absolutely unfuckwithable. Somehow, some way, they've got their Decks intact, ready to elbow drop and katana slice their way to the top.

Man, all this typing of "Kamen" makes me think I'm really saying, "common." Or a slurred, drunk and horny version of, "come on." You choose!

"Blank Knight," on the left, looks like a fencing badass, if fencing were at all cool, and "Wing Knight," reminds me how well blue suits a coat of armor. It's intimidating, yet calming. The perfect match in a deadly battle of robotical nature and giant swords...which each figure comes with yay!

I really dig it! It's been a slow moving goal to amass an army of rad looking robots (anything authentic Japanese, really) so this helps. I think I'm now up to...four. Not counting any Transformers and only counting this huge, clunky plastic thing resembling a Gundamy Wing thing I got at the dollar store...it drops it down to one. One that doesn't even count, but it'll have to do. Clearly a Power Rangers meets any-fighting-robot-ever rip, but fun, nonetheless. It was discounted, easily fits into my life, and will soon fit into yours. And soon as you just let it into your heart. B+

So I'm gonna try to sneak in another post before I disappear into the cold, dark streets of Europe, so check back in a few days. After over sixty hours of flying, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna wanna hide in my cave when I get back, next to the warm glow of candlelight, shaking convulsively, sobbing ever so softly. Uh. What?

So tell your friends. And party hard!

Dreams Really Do Come True -- I Got a Castle Greyskull.

There's a few things everyone wants out of life. Maybe a real classy car. A jetpack. Hell, maybe even a million bucks wrapped around bars of gold like bacon. Me? I'll take any three of those, actually. But I'll have to settle for what's a tad bit lower on the list. And, you know, actually affordable. And plausible.

I got a Castle Greyskull that's cool too yeah!

I can't claim to be a kid of the 80's. The closest I came was at least being able to register my own existance in '89, allowing everything before that time to come in as hallucinogenic, dreamlike visions and confusing, life-defining moments. No, I'm not working up the courage to admit to being touched, but giving you all the sense that my mind has been warped and shaped by the stupidest, most inane shit. I can still remember getting the Max Rebo Band playset, complete with big, blue Rebo himself, and a hippo playing a flute, for one of my earliest birthdays. I'm still weirded out by my older brother's D&D toys and "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, all these years later. Something affected me at a young age. I'm gonna blame it on the constant flow of amazing yet oddly mature toys for young kids. I can't tell what's going on today with the youngsters, but it semmed that back then, everything was either based in talking skeletons to witches with giant swords to twelve year old spies shooting commies in the face.



I picked this up at a local, secure location I'm not yet sure I want to reveal. Whereabouts unknown kinda stuff, ya know? But the place in question doubles as a comic book shop and a yardsale, specializing in loose, superhero action figures and everything else a 4 year old boy would go nuts over. My kinda place, really. I'm sure you could find this magical hole-in-the-wall-treasure trove if you really cared, but that would require caring.

I usually end up with superhero junk and all that I can be tempted with that's buried in the glass case near the register. It's mostly anything old-school WWF or outright bug-like. Big, insectoidd eyes and those gross, feeler things are a plus. I do appreciate the bagging technique, though (all your purchases are thrown in either a used Target or random grocery bag) giving you the perfect camouflage to resume the day in un-embarrassed peace. Nerdcrap is a whole lot less stressful to deal with when it's hidden behind a disguise of normal consumerism. Don't worry, ladies! I was only shopping at Sharper Image! Or the weight lifting store! You may now resume loving me.

But this time! This time...I struck gold. Plastic gold.

I fondly remember waging battle upon battle inside these walls. It was never any He-Man figures doing the damage, it was usually GI Joe or Robocop versus a GI Joe. Robocop would always win, due to his exterior being made of metal, but maybe it was because I just favor shiny things. Either way, the Greyskull was Jimmy's. At least I think so. And at least I think he even owned one. It may have very well been a knock-off, or a chapter in one of my complete, dillusional and made up childhood memories. Which is possible, because as time goes by, I think I'm slowly starting to create my own backstory. I figure I might as well start making up some good shit then.

But either way, I still like to think fondly of this beast, or at least I like to think that I thank fondly of it. Thunked? Thankeded?

And the reason a Rancor sits atop the highest peak of Greyskull is a simple one -- because it looks cool. I totally picked that up, too, at the Mysterious Shop of Shame. Davey was over, decided it must be done, did it, and there ya go. The most sexy thing you've ever seen. It's just so beautiful. Tears of love.

I also picked up a crapload of figures! I finally got Hordak (yes!) and most of the Horde, including Captain SuckMouth, shown above. I'd picture them all, but I fear a complete blog implosion when the allowed, free bandwith runs thin. I've gotta be choosey when it comes to posting pictures. And I choose to showcase Captain SuckMouth. Captain SuckMouth, meet your destiny.

Best thing about having a blog? You can end it whenever you want!

Later, guys!

Oh, and check out the latest installment of Davey's late night, video-editing obsessions:

If you like straightforward, in your face Calabrese propaganda...you're gonna love this!;)