Self Portrait.

Me like!

Me look good.  Like a Hugh Hefner.  If me girl, me be a playboy bunny, but me a goat instead.  Me think that sounded weird, now that me think about it.

What you think of portrait?  Charming?  Charismatic?  Stern and powerful?  Me think so!

Wednesday 13, Calabrese and Cold Blue Rebels!

Well, this is it.

Next month, we tease you with a trailer for the new music video ("Ghostwolves" officially out March 1st!) and officially hit the road with Wednesday 13 and Cold Blue Rebels.  Where are we going?  All over da place.  When are we going?  Well, I'll be glad to tell ya:

Those are the dates.  I'm sure venues are subject to change, since they've been changing for the last month (whoops!) so the San Antonio show is now at the White Rabbit and the El Paso show is...somewhere in El Paso.  If anything, we will be in those cities on those nights, and we will be playing a show.  In an exciting twist of events, it's up to you to figure out where!  Kind of like those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, but with music and detective work. 

But definitely keep hitting up www.CalabreseRock.com for updates and info on any last minute changes.  Don't worry, we got ya covered.

This tour comes at an exciting time, too.  Big stuff coming from the Calabrese Camp this year, which we're thrilled to fill you in when the times comes.  Besides this tour, working on another music video for "Coffin of Ruins," we'll be recording another full length for 2014 and we WILL be stopping by Atlanta, GA to say hello.  Yes, the rumors are true...Calabrese returns to DragonCon!  We say we like to play DragonCon because of the fun show and the great opportunity to meet new and old fans alike, but it's really because of all the cool toys and hot cosplay chicks. 

We'll be there!  So you should, too!

Over and out.

I Watch Too Many Movies.

What's your favorite movie? 

I can't answer this question.  There's too many to choose from.  Just last week, I was hell-bent on crime thrillers.  If there wasn't an impossible heist, somebody getting double crossed by an ex-lover or absolute rivers of palm-sweating suspense, I didn't want anything to do with it.  This week, I can only get into comedies.  I hate crime thrillers now.  I only watch comedies.  Always have, always will.

See?  It's impossible to answer that question.

I really do watch a lot of movies, though, but I don't think it's as crazy as one might think.  With the rise of Netflix, I've been given the opportunity to watch an outstanding amount of garbage and nonsense.  Specifically, the wonderful world of the "Instant Queue" feature.  Now, I sometimes get the feeling they really don't give a fuck what they put up.  But that's alright with me.  Sure, there's a few good things here and there, and a bunch of decent new releases pop up every other month, but it's all around a total pile of junk.  But that's fine.  I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  I think it's that I will gladly pay a measly, insignificant eight dollars a month for that junk.  You could sell me a pile of chewed up carrots in a dirty shoebox if it was cheap enough.

It seems that a lot of people watch TV shows on Netflix.  I think that's great, but it ain't my bag.  I hate the idea of committing to eight thousand episodes of Sons of Anarchy.  I'd rather watch a damn hour and half movie and be done with it.  So I plop down and watch a single movie once a night, whether it's total crap or cinematic bliss.  Ain't too bad, right?

I used to buy a lot of movies (still do) but it's definitely taken a dip.  Good for me, monetary wise, but I'll still snag the good stuff.  Netflix has certainly given me an opportunity to taste-test films before the big purchase, which I like, even though it's kinda like taste testing a turd to see if you wanna buy a whole dozen of them.  I know I'm being harsh, but c'mon.  There's a lot of filler.  Just admit.  You'll feel better.

I'm also a huge advocate in watching the stuff I've always wanted to watch, or have always been curious about, but wouldn't spend a dime to do so.  If anything, Netflix is GREAT for that reason alone.  Like, "The Good Son" with Macaulay Culkin, or "Cutthroat Island" starring Geena Davis.  Both came out when I was young, and have always been swimming around in the back of my mind for a decade and a half.  I've played out entire scenarios of what they could be about, given all the information from passing reviews and references in pop culture, but it will never be the same as actually watching it for myself.  Basically, I feel left out.

So, finally, with the help of Netflix's seemingly untold input of choices, I had the chance to see what dis shit was all about.  "The Good Son" was, surprisingly, pretty decent.  It held a definite suspense throughout, and had a genuinely creepy vibe, which, in part, I'm guessing was probably provided by Macaulay Culkin's outstandingly cherry-red lips.  Yikes!

"Cutthroat Island," on the other hand, was horrible.  Against everything anyone has ever said about this flick (that it's God-awful) I've always held such high hopes for this one, which, in part, is due to the promise of swashbuckling pirates and my odd crush on Geena Davis.  Double yikes!

I'm getting sidetracked, but...

When I was in high school, I hated watching movies.  I never liked going to the movie theater, and the idea of renting something from Blockbuster was outrageous.  It wasn't an outright hatred for movies themselves, but for the idea of sitting down and locking into one, singular thing for two hours.  It was maddening.  I just felt like there was something better to do with my time.  I have no idea what that was, but it was probably to go sulk in my room like a creep.

Of course, I'd watch horror movies.  It's inescapable.  "The Lost Boys" and "Near Dark" were both my go-to favorites, which helped me in neglecting human relationships outside of my house, as well as my pursuit to becoming a full out, bona fide vampire.  I think I talked about this before, but yeah.  Through endless viewings of bloodsucker flicks and a week long hibernation in a darkened bedroom, I really and truly tried to become a vampire.  It wasn't the best plan (all I did was block out the windows and hoped I grew some cool fangs) but at least I gave it a shot.  Unfortunately, it didn't work out.  I'm still mad about it.

Besides watching movies for pure entertainment, there's still a sliver of business about it.  When we first started Calabrese, I did what any fan of the Misfits would do and watched monster movies in an attempt to form a string of lyrics for the greatest horror punk song ever written.  I remember, on a few occasions, I'd hunker down in front of the TV with a guitar in my lap, watching anything by John Carpenter, just waiting and strumming and hoping for something magical to happen.  Can't say it didn't work entirely, but it certainly wasn't the path I was chosen for.  Too obvious, too forced.  Now, I gather most of anything I ever write about from creepy, Richard Laymon/Stephen King books and old, superhero comics, but when I see a film that hits me just the right way, I feel almost forced to write a tune about it.  I feel obliged.  Lyrics aside, if anything, I go for the vibe and the action and the pacing of the film, ya know?  I try to capture it in musical form, however that happens and whatever that actually means (there is no easy formula to follow, unfortunately) but I still go for it. I like the stuff that's more insane and ludicrous than the rest, though.  Action, action, action.  That being said, there is one hell of a hefty amount of references to Quentin Tarantino's work on DAYGLO NECROS.  Whoo boy.

What was the point of all this?  I don't know.  Maybe I just wanted to talk about movies.  Because I like movies. 

I watch too many movies. 

The Calabrese Crypt with Bobby Calabrese.

Along with this current blog, I'm thinking of doing another "web blog," where I sit and talk into a camera until things get awkward and I stop talking into the camera.  Characters from the Calabrese past might show up, I'll occasionally be drunk and I'll finally be able to show off my collection of porcelain, Buddha statuettes in full, cinematic fashion.  Sounds thrilling, no?

We've done this kind of thing before, so there's no trouble figuring out how to go about doing it.  I have a backdrop (my apartment) and a main subject (me) but that's about the extent of it.

Problem is, I don't know what to do.  Like, what do I do?  What can I feature, mention or pay tribute to to make it worth watching?  I figure it'll literally just be me doing what I already do now, but in YouTube form.  I just don't want it to end up with me eating Mexican food on film for ten minutes.  Because that could very well happen.

Already have a few legitimate ideas, too, but I'm looking for some input.  A little guidance, if you will.  The entire internet is clogged with people who think they're more clever than other people, I understand, so that's why I want to make this good.  What do you wanna see?  What will get you to check back every week?

I'm willing to throw out all morals and self respect to accomplish success.

Know this.

Thanks!

Goat-Man Want Me Time in Spotlight!

Last last Halloween, I bought a monster mask from a local costume shop.  Every year, I try to make it a tradition to plop down some cash for a gruesome piece of wearable plastic, but that year was SO special that I didn't have to worry about last year.  I politely skipped tradition, because this particular monster mask is so spectacularly creepy, that I'm solid for years to come.  This will lead me well into 2019.

Hell, even Davey is outright disturbed by it.  I don't even think he can even look at it without squirming.  That's so cool.

Now, if you've kept up with this blog, you've noticed that Goat-Man likes to pop up every so often.  Whether it be of a toy review or admiration of his own face, he's here and he ain't leavin'.  This helps the workload, and relieves a bit of the pressure when I'm not feeling up to the task, but unfortunately, things have...well, they've taken a life of it's own.

You see, Goat-Man has grown a little too big for his britches.  Goat-Man is his own goat/man.  In the last month, he's been whining about lack of face-time and demands a little respect.  I guess he's feeling a bit left out, which is understandable, since I leave him tucked behind a stack of DVDs for eleven months out of the year.  Whether I like it or not, he wants some time in the spotlight. 

"Goat-Man want me time in spotlight!"

See?

For whatever reasons, he demands an audience.  Constant solitude and the accidental missed feeding can do that to a goat-thing.  But believe me, I'd deny this request if I could.  He's just too...weird and wild.  I can't control what he says half the time, his sentences run off into crazy tangents, his huge horns are constantly in danger of poking some body's eye out, etc.

But looking into that dead, soulless stare and that wet, mangled mouth, I fear for my life.  Plus, I don't want him to be all pissed off when I try to wear him next October.  I scratch his furry back, he scratches my furry back.

Yeah, that was gross.

BUT FEAR HIM.

He is his own entity.  His own path of hairy destruction.

I'm not sure what exactly he wanted to do, but he's at least agreed to do a little Q&A.  I figure that's fair, and the more time he spends on the computer, the better.  He's a bit out of touch in today's world.  And kind of talks weird.  There's a charm to his ways, but be warned: he's kind of a butthole.

Well, have at it, folks.  Don't say I didn't warn ya!

 

Me Goat-Man!  Ask Goat-Man anything! 

 

Me like you!

 



I'm Addicted to Board Games.

Well, only around the holidays.

When the family comes to town, there's only so many things you can do before you get sick of looking at their face.  With my siblings, we're on a constant roller coaster of bar hopping, excess in food and an onslaught of board games that could tear apart even the strongest bond between a brother and a sister.  This year, things certainly did not stray from our yearly agenda.

We only play a certain few games, if only because we get stuck on them and don't bother to find anything else to play.  As soon as someone introduces a new tournament of kings, we might keep it cycling in the mix, but it's been the same, endless loop of entertainment for at least four or five years now. 

Bloated, drunk, covered in cookie crumbs and stinking of coconut flavored, Malibu rum. 

LET'S PLAY SOME GAMES.

No Monopoly, though.  Nothing of the sort.  I hate Monopoly.  It's the worst game to bust out when you're already buzzed and wanting to just throw around some dice or act out a farm animal.  Essentially, the Family Rules of Board Gaming rely on a strict regiment of values and procedure deters against this.  We've counter-struck and have weeded out any bologna that would suck out any fin to be had.  There are as follows:

1. Any and all board games must be quickly and easily played.  There is no time to dawdle over instructions, and no one has the patience to play a whimsical round of Risk, unless Risk were magically transformed into just throwing away all the pieces and using the board as a drinking game prop.  Where there's a will, there's a way.

No Life, no Axis and Allies, no Scrabble.  Hell, I actually like Scrabble.  But these are the rules.  Sorry.

Oh, yeah.  No Sorry, either.

Sorry.

2. No game shall be played that won't get so out of whack when someone decides to leave.  At any given time, not everyone will have the tolerance, willpower or energy to give a shit.  Through the course of the night, someone might forget that they signed up as a soldier 'til the bitter end and decide to vacate the gaming premises in pursuit of a really cool movie on TV.  And that's fine, that's expected.  As long as the game doesn't fall to pieces because of it. 

3. When the opposing team wins, thou shall not get butthurt when thou decides to brag like an asshole.  When we play, it's rough.  It's oftentimes just scattered and wildly cruel.  It can even get emotional.  That's where the fun is, my friends.  Deep down, through all the madness and friendly socialization of friends and family through Milton Bradley, you really want to kick your brother-in-law's ass at Clue. 

With that said, these are the select few games we are addicted to:

Catchphrase

Not photographed (it's hidden in there somewhere) is Catchprase.  It's hot potato mixed with Password, where the idea is to get your partner/team to guess the word you're given.  Without ever saying the word, you pass along the game in a counterclockwise fashion (clockwise, if you prefer) acting out the word, phrase, celebrity, movie title, etc. until your game-gang answers it correctly.  Of course, there's a timer, elevating the stress and general inclination to throw the damn thing against the wall.  As soon as the buzzer goes off and you're left holding the game in your hands, it's chaos.  You feel like such a loser.  You've let your teammates down.  It's awesome.

Cranium

A great fusion of every-game-ever, you try your hand at charades, Pictionary, brain teasers, interpretive dance, etc.  It can be unbelievably fun if you're winning, and of course, terribly frustrating if you're on the losing side.  Just like Catchphrase, this is totally partner based, so do not pick your younger, dumber cousin and stay away from the uncle who's been chugging Miller products like it's going out of style.

I like the mini-game where you get to mold clay in an attempt to get your team to guess what you're molding.  Of course, the clay is always dry and unusable, so I retract my statement with a new statement: I hate the mini-game where you get to mold clay.

Trivial Pursuit

There is nothing better than trivia.  There's just something about it that thrills and exhilarates.  Well, it does for me, anyway.  There's always the one person who hates it, and will be sure to mention it at every chance available.  I understand, most of what you're trying to remember is pointless and trivial (hey, duh!) but c'mon, be a sport.  Just play the friggin' game and shut up.

There is at least one thing everyone hates about Trivial Pursuit, though: any category that isn't general pop culture, from any era in which you weren't alive in.  Fuck the rest.  That's why we have the "greatest hits" version, with nothing but trivia from the 80's and 90's.  We've really just made the whole game our bitch.

Times to Remember

Not personally photographed as well (stolen off of a Google search) this one came at us as a surprise.  Not sure who brought it into the mix, but it's been a welcome addition.  Straight from the dusty corner's of my parent's closet comes "Times to Remember," a journey into picking exactly what date any given event in the past has happened.  Sounds fun, right?  Well, it is, but there's a catch.  The game is from 1991, and all these glorious "times to remember" are so fucking old it'll make your head spin.  Split into two teams, your objective is to figure this shit out from the last 50 years, pre-1990.

Even better, you're given these specific brackets to choose your answer, which range from a seven year span to a one year span, which, essentially, makes you guess exactly and perfectly right in one try.  As soon as your brackets are gone, you win the game, fourteen months later.  For me, I'm kinda screwed on politics and rare and unheard of television shows from the 40's and 50's.  I just don't know, ya know?  So this is where strategy comes in...

Pick mom.  Get dad on your team.  Assuming they're older, wiser and have a sophisticated amount of grey hair, they're the wild card.  They know this junk. 

Well, that's about it.  My only parting words are to just remember to win.  I understand this is family, but be sure to win.  For the love of God, you must win. 

THIS IS NOT A GAME.