GUTS!

Remember GUTS?

They were the 1980s' answer to boring, little green army men. To me, these were the real deal. Brightly colored and bite sized. Thank you, Mattel.

Of course, all rightful comparisons will lead you to the ever popular line of GI Joe running rampant in the aisles of Toys R Us. Yeah, they were absolutely like GI Joes. One major difference, though, is that GUTS were completely immovable. Think tiny, colorful statues with nun-chucks and bazookas.

I'm sure kids were on the fence over the matter. It didn't matter to me. I loved these so much when I was a kid, and whatever they lacked in comparison to other toys at the time (height, mobility, the fact that they weren't He-Man) was made up tenfold with a certain je ne sais quoi. They had that spark. That beautiful mojo, man. There weren't many in the line and you couldn't really pose them or whatever but uhhh they came in a really kewl box and stuffffff

^
(Above image was stolen. Come at me, bro.)

These guys were extreme. They felt extreme. They were a complete mess of action-action-action.

There were dudes from the jungle with guns, there were ninjas with spears, there was an underwater battalion armed with harpoons and they were all trying to kill each other. I think each soldier had their own paragraph dedicated to name, origin and special murdering abilities, but I never bothered. They were all nameless pawns in an orgy of death.

There were six groups altogether. I had them all because I was really good at whining and being a brat. These are my favorites from the pack, ranked from most-fave to least-fave, entirely based on ineptitude during imaginary bloodsport, how awesome their outfits are and whatever else I feel like making up.

1. Jungle Warriors

Ah, yes, This is my ultimate standard in GUTS! lore.

The dark, swampy green clothing combined with guns, grenades and mohawks. They had the look down to a fabulous T. In any playtime war, I'd easily pick this team of mercenaries. I've always thought they looked the meanest, toughest and sweatiest. And that counts for a lot in battle, lemme tell you, sonny.

They had the least amount of clothing, but the most flair in pure terror tactics. Look at those boots! The bullet wrapped chests! Beards!

2. Camouflage Guys

I like the look. Kind of like a cross between mustard and pea soup. I like how they included a photographer. And, to be honest. I've always loved the second-from-the-left guy's menacing pose. Back steady, shoulders straight, a gun pointed right to the face. How tough is that?

Extra points for the helmets. I can't say I'm a hat guy, but I can really get down with any kind of helmet. Call it a quirk.

3. All American Green Berets

Admittedly, dumb. Really dumb. Especially with other options of scuba warriors and guys from space with laser guns. I can't explain the attraction. Maybe I'm just a classic guy into a classy look. Maybe I really like berets?

I remember playing with them the most, for whatever reason. They felt like an easy match. Like going for Luke Skywalker when there were Gamorreans and Royal Guards. I found comfort in the blandness. A certain easiness and simplicity. I feel like I'm really opening up here.  

Honorable Mention: The Ninjas

I liked these guys, but the lack of firepower turned me off. I've always felt that machine guns vs. throwing stars was a tough game to play on the battlefield, even if you were LIKE REALLY REALLY GOOD at being a ninja. I do like that spear, though. And I've been curious about that blue gun/knife thingy for twenty-five years. Like, what the fuck is it?

I do remember loving the option to have these fellas kick their way to glory, though, because this was the only acceptable group to do so. And if I were truly basing this contest on looks, these young guns would win in a heartbeat. Them outfits are on fleek.

I think that's it.

Go get some GUTS! for Christmas. Santa demands it.

Reverend Guitars

Reverend Guitars is now a part of the family! Bobby Calabrese officially shreds on a Reverend Sensei RA, a great addition to his arsenal.

Check out Reverend Guitars: www.ReverendGuitars.com

This thing is weird and I like it.

My luck is strong. My luck is unique. I believe that everything I've worked towards has led me up to this day in time. Everything I've strived for has subconsciously guided me to this beautiful entity, this shrine to human awe and wonder, this terrifying thing:

Picked this little fucker up in Dallas, TX at a super-mega-toy-store. One of those stores that sells everything that was once covered in kid boogers and drool or certainly will be in the near future. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it lying there, pink and grinning. Between the Star Wars junk and the mess of forty-thousand loose MOTU figures was this thing just waiting for me. JUST BEGGING.

Four dollars later, I'm now the proud papa of a flesh colored, dildo with a face.

Turns out it's an alien from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." I vaguely remember a shitty bored game based off the film, but if you're anything like me, not only are you shocked that this even exists, but that they even bothered to base toys geared for children on a movie that showed little more than Richard Dreyfuss playing with mashed potatoes and a few freaky fucking aliens for a split second near the end. Which, now that I've talked myself through it, makes total and appropriate sense. 

Do they have a Richard Dreyfuss bendy, too? EBAY EBAY EBAY

And it bends! Did I mention it bends? Dear God, it bends. Completely ageless and timeless, this is the bendy toy of the most nightmarish space creep to ever grace cinema. Let me explain:

YES. You can argue the idea that there are, technically, scarier and more grotesque looking aliens in film. But what this provides is an even more delicate terror than, say, the forever-perspiring alien from "Alien."

This guy doesn't wear clothes. He has zero body hair. The limbs are longer than normal and it's head is the size of a watermelon, which sits on a thin and smooth neck. And behind it all lies a pair of HUMAN EYES. Even in toy form, they gave him doll eyes that, when prompted, twinkle in the sunlight.

He's even more fucked up looking in the bag. I guarantee you this is the ugliest sumbitch alien you've ever done see. And, coincendetally, the funniest fucking thing, too. Seriously, does this not make you giggle? Like, every time you look at it?

It's an unnecessary question, but it begs to be asked:

What does it all mean? How can this thing be so awful and amusing at the same time? (well, it does look like a dick, I mean, c'mon)

Where does life begin and end? Is this one of those ying and yang thing? Why does this toy alien make me...feel this way?

Why?

:/

"GIMME WAR" [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO]

Bobby: “Gimme War’ is all out, loud and heavy. Very bare bones, but that’s the way I like it. This is the song that wakes you up in the morning when all you have to drink is decaf. We filmed in a junkyard during one of the hottest days of the summer, which I think helped the intensity of the video. We even did it in a single take. How can ya beat that? Crank your speakers to 11 and get fucking wild!”

CALABRESE "Lust For Sacrilege" Official Album Stream

(The Dark is Who I Am)
We wrote this one in the studio, it's one of quickest songs we've ever written and one of the coolest songs to date. We wrote it with Bog Hoag, producer madman, who laid down some really great synths and shaped it into the song it is. Heavily influenced by Goblin and Giallo soundtracks from the 70's and 80's.


(Down in Misery)
Understanding who you are is the smartest move you can make. It's freeing. It's not giving a shit. This song is kind of our "anti-hero song," it's about being a miserable person and liking it. Getting down into your own misery. Why not? No one likes you for who you are and what you do, but so what? Who cares? I think if you know, deep down, that you're a miserable person, it's almost like you aren't miserable anymore. It's accepting yourself on your own terms. Why be something you're not?


(Teenage Crimewave)
This song was originally intended for "Born With a Scorpion's Touch," so it has more of a garage-y, punk tone to it, which fit perfectly at the time. It eventually made it's way to the new record, which I think breaks it up a bit. Influenced by madmen, weirdos and crime spree thrill seekers. It's a bloodbath in the concrete jungle.


(Flesh and Blood)
A love song, plain and simple. Down to the core it's very animalistic, violent and strange.


(Lust For Sacrilege)
I wanted a song that could capture the entire mood of the album. Heavy drums, large choruses and an emphasis on evil. This is what we're about. It's about falling in love with death and destruction. It's about knowing who you are and your burning lust for sacrilege.


(Wanted Man)
Another lone-wolf song, we wrote this really quick and easily. It came out natural and really to the point. A lot of our songs are influenced by loneliness, depravity and just not giving a shit.


(Serpentflame)
I love New Orleans. Who doesn't dig New Orleans? We wanted a song that could capture the murky, creepy atmosphere of the city. It's about evil women, voodoo and death. It's got a very Cult-like vibe to it, which I think is great. The Cult are fantastic. Crank this jam to 11.


(Gimme War)
GIMME WAR is all out, loud and heavy. Very bare bones, but that's the way I like it. This is the song that wakes you up in the morning when all you have to drink is decaf. The solo is very Greg Ginn, whom I think is the coolest punk guitarists of all time. Dissonant chords and bizarre timing, it's total genius and totally shitty at the same time. Nothing gets better than that. All hail Black Flag.


(New York Ripper)
I love the chugging riff to this one. It's heavy and melodic and sucks you in from the start of the distorted drums. The song is pretty self-explanatory. "Her dead body broken in the river." Pretty heavy stuff.


(Lords of the Wasteland)
We live in a desert, lots of dirt, dead plants and empty spaces. We're heavily influenced by the landscape in which we live, so a lot of our songs tend to reflect that. A lot of post-apocalyptic films and books definitely help. Everyone gets the feeling of living in a nowhere town, a black hole in the middle of a dead civilization. This song is for all you wastelanders.


(Drift Into Dust)
A lot of our songs tend to revolve around serial killers, I have no idea why but it always manifests it's way into our music. This song is no exception. It's Roy Orbison meets Chris Isaak meets Elvis Presley. It's about love and death and everything that leads up to it.

Purchase LUST FOR SACRILEGE:
(iTunes): https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/calabrese/id261384
(Physical): http://www.spookshowrecordsstore.com/calabrese/

What's the deal with In-N-Out Burger?

What's the fuss about? What's the big deal? What's up?

I've never eaten at an In-N-Out. The last time I stepped foot into one was ten years ago after a Strokes concert, and that was only because I wanted to impress my friends with worldly knowledge. "Sure, I love this stuff! Been eatin' it for years!"

Everyone talks about it like it's a burger smothered in edible gold. They act like the fries don't taste like any other fries from any other fryer. THEY ACT SO HIGH AND MIGHTY.

I figure that's why I've steered clear. Because, don't get me wrong, I can always get down with a good burger. As soon as hype starts creepin' in, I'm instantly turned off. Or maybe it's my inherent nature to disagree with anything anyone has to say. Just 'cause it's fun and I'm bored tee-hee.

This is my first time trying In-N-Out Burger. I can't wait and wonder any longer! Curiosity has a firm grip on my bony shoulders. And it's shaking me hard and my neck hurts. "Eat it! Eat the food! Eat the Goddamn In-N-Out!" (that was curiosity speaking, btw)

I never realized everyone dressed like old-school burger flippers. I like that. Because if I had to work at an In-N-Out, I'd much rather be dressed as a retro-dork than an actual dork-dork.

There's a certain calmness to it all. The bright lights, the color scheme. It feels (and looks) like a McDonald's but way less hepatitis-y.

I'm already thrown off by the menu. Look at the prices! Look at the minimal selections!

I always remember a specific episode of Kitchen Nightmares, where  Gordon Ramsey was berating a restaurant owner about their menu. Apparently, they had way too many choices and options, causing the customer to become confused and flustered. "There's too many items! Keep it simple!" (that was G. Ramsey speaking, btw)

In-N-Out Burger totally must have seen that episode, too!

BECUZ THEY BARELY HAVE ANYTHING

And that's...good. It's actually good. It's legitimately smart. That episode of KN sooo paid off. 

Sure, they sell more than just hamburgers and fries. They sell shakes. And a choice of cheese on your hamburger. But when you're a fast food joint that mainly sells hamburgers and fries, you might as well just sell some damn good motherfucking hamburgers and fries. 

So the ante is up. The bar has been raised. Will they make the grade?

...but wait!

Along with ketchup, you can load up on peppers! Little, juicy peppers. Everyone knows them as peporoncinis, but I hate writing that word out because blogger always demands that it's spelled wrong.

I also wonder if the owner is such a big fan of the things that they specifically cut out mustard to only offer ketchup and peppers. "Who needs mustard when you have peporoncinis? I'll change the way the world thinks!" (that was the owner speaking, btw)

Well, it looks pretty good. I'm not a stickler, nor am I a snob when it comes to cooked meat, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna like it. That and because I'm a pig. A dirty, rotten pig.

Overall, really good. I'd take another photo of it but I fear getting hamburger-juice on the phone more than the Devil himself. I already hate how my fingers smell like secret sauce and I swear one of those peppers dripped on me.

It's good, though. Trust me.

I'm gonna take a shower now.