Small, Chewy, Green Dude.

Ashley Beach has great taste.  She has great values.  She's a cool person.

She reads this dinky blog and likes it.  She shops at flea markets and recognizes the insignificant junk that I would like.  She puts in the time and effort to then send that junk to me.  Ashley and I should become best friends!

Presents are always welcome at the Calabrese Manor.  So thanks, Ashley, for the box o' fun and for carefully excluding the other two guys by specifically sending only me something.  That takes finesse and a bold style I can truly get behind and support.  We really should be best friends!

Let's pop it open:

Well, well, what have we here? 

Initial reaction: interested, curious, instantly at ease.  In the note, Ashely made clear mention of why I would enjoy this green-thing.  She made a lot of great points, both accurate and undeniable.  I'm like an open book around here, no secrets shall be kept, no story unmentioned.  Basically, I'm totally one sided and she figured me for an idiot who likes tiny, green toys that I can hide in a shoe. 

So it's out of the box and sitting on my desk.  I've been staring at it for half an hour now, doing that "tapping a pen on my lips" move, figuring out it's specific charm and it's magic.  Because there is charm and there is magic.  Can't be certain I'll be able to explain why or how, but I'll give it a shot.  Enjoy your time in the limelight, little dude.

Here are three reasons why this little dude is awesome:

1. Small, Quaint, Collectible.

Perfect for your back pocket, front pocket or in your mouth (we'll get to that later).

It also works for me because it is, obviously, a skeleton in a bathrobe pulling off his own head.  Could even pass as that "ghost face" mask from "Scream," or that screaming asshole from that one painting.  I sense a lot of pain within.  Lots of heavy vibes going around, man.  But rad vibes, too, because it's a crazy bastard pulling off his own, skinless head.

I'm not really sure what this is officially from, or what it does, but I figure that adds to the mystery.  I wanna say an off-shoot of Monsters in My Pocket, but one can't be too sure.  It even looks like some kind of pencil-eraser topper, but it's butt isn't hollowed out for the ass-end of a Dixon Ticonderoga.  Don't matter, baby.  Don't matter at all.

2. Neon Green, Looks Like Candy.

I'm like a bird.  A bug.  I'm a young child in a highchair.  I like shiny, brightly lit and colorful things.  Let me be clear, though: there are two sides of this coin.  Never once did I get into tie-dye, but I was a definite, feverish fan of Lisa Frank folders in grade school.  Soaring dolphins, shimmering sunsets and dogs with their tongues sticking out.  All manner of animal.  It's still really hard to come clean about this.

This is a perfect example of what I'm attracted to in this handheld, miniature goody.  Plus, it looks like candy I'd be inclined to pop into my mouth.  It's rubbery and bendable, so I further the fantasy with thoughts of it being very gummy-like.  I like candy, I like this.

Oh, God.  I need to eat this thing ASAP.

3. Rubbery, Bendable, Chewable.

Chew toys.  This is a chew toy for me.  Almost literally, but not really at all.  Because I couldn't, in good conscious, bite down on this dirty, delicious prize...but I so totally would.  There must be some weird, carnal urge to want to do this (something from my past bubbling up?) or it's because I'm an idiot. 

Yeah.

Thanks again, Ashley!