my bloody moosehead beer

so i saw this movie it was called "my bloody valentine" and it was okay it had a bunch of stuff like other stuff with kids being dumb and having parties and getting killed. i'd say it was on par with the classics like freddy and jason but this guy had a mining helmet and a gas mask so it's different i guess

the story is of a bunch of miners that were killed in a mining accident and someone related i think to one of the miners or a friend or something wants to exact revenge so he kills everyone involved like the bosses and the city is named Valentine bluffs too if that helps/.

i dunno you just gotta see it

but the best part was when all the kids were getting down and getting crazy and drinking beer and beer and more beer. this specific beer (which is somehow featured all throughout or maybe my eyes just have a tendency to see beer) looked really good, sounded good and probably tasted good

theres even an old guy who runs the bar or something and he tells them "be careful the guy will kill you!" because he's old and has experience with this tragedy and he's always serving moosehead and standing in front of moosehead signs which i stole from google search so hopefully i don't get sued for that.

theyre always drinking the stuff and i've never heard of it! i think this is a canada film with canada people so the stuff they have over there is pretty different so i guess that's why

weeeeell i found that beer HERE in the good old us of a and boy howdy was i ever pleased. i knew god was shining down on me that day when all i had to do was think of it and then it shows up at a liquor store i mean what the fuck is moosehead anyways? there is an allure and mystique but not like the xmen mystique this is another movie

who knows and who cares! IT"S BEEEER!!!!

they only sold it in a 12 packs but that's fine i can drink it like those party kids. it's a lager and its imported and it has a picture of a moose which i like. usually its horses or frogs or interesting men so this is a nice change of pace

well there she is looking just like it looked in the movie. i think it tastes good but i tend to like things people i see other people doing except like bungee jumping and reading books i saw a video on the internet and it scared me for life

you should try it like watch a movie and see a beer and then get that beer to drink. it's a really fun way to blow a weekend i drank a lot then i stood up and was like WHOAAA what happened so it's a pretty good way to get sick and blow a weekend

do it

I really like bar mirrors.

I think it's because...well, I like bars.

We play in bars all the time. I'm constantly in bars. I couldn't escape a bar if I tried. Even if I absolutely hated bars, I still couldn't fight my natural attraction to low lighting and a place where the lone intent is to get fucked up. So I'm stuck liking bars.

Whenever we go on tour, whenever we play a wacky bar in the middle of no where, I always entertain the idea of swiping something off the wall for my own collection. Nothing too big, nothing like a giant cow skull or a chalkboard, but something minor and inconspicuous to take home and to help build my arsenal of weird, dumb shit. You know how some bars are just littered with dumb shit? Moose heads, cheesy beer posters, whatever. Stuff like that. 

It's bad, I know, but it's my dream. It's my calling. Naturally, I'm too much of a puss to actually do this, so I'm left with accomplishing the goal in my own, legal fashion. Wait, what's the goal again?

I dunno. To make my place look like a bar, I guess.

There's comfort in bar culture. I like bars. I like the way they look, feel and smell. Over the years, I've become so accustomed to the inside of these damn places that I want my damn place to look like those damn places.

SO BAR MIRRORS

I don't know how I got it in my head, but I really like bar mirrors now. They're just really...cool. Classy, maybe? I don't know. Now, I've seen quite a few radical bar mirrors in my time (Elvis themed, that really cool Coors Light Beer Wolf thing, etc.) but most, unfortunately, are insanely overpriced. Who knew a mirror you can barely see yourself in would be so expensive? So you gotta understand my plight. You know the lengths I would go to (petty theft, irrevocable guilt, etc.) but I'm a bar-bum on a budget. And where do bums shop?

And so enters eBay:

It was cheap, which is good. It was one of those rare and exciting occasions where I actually won what I was bidding on. I figure no one gives a shit about flimsy, dirty Pacifico mirrors like I do, so the celebration seems a bit overzealous. Extra points because Pacifico is delicious BTW.

And I dig the way it looks! Wood frame, clean glass, every one's happy. While doing the shitty dishes, I can imagine that I'm on a beach with the sun above, the wind gently wafting through my hair while a raucous, two-on-two volleyball tournament takes place in the near distance. Winner takes home bragging rights and the hottest girl in school! Just imagine!

Believe it or not, I found this next piece in the dumpster. The fucking dumpster. I'm not one to knock the ol' occasional dumpster dive, though. In fact, I encourage it. Fantastic things can be found in dumpsters! Like a slightly dirty, possibly diseased Dos Equis bar mirror! Touch of paint a bit of elbow grease and she shines like a diamond. The mirror is so reflective you can make out every nook and cranny of that popcorn ceiling! 

That's about it for now. 

Of course, the hunt continues. 

The obsession grows.

Micheladas.

It's hot out.  Like, really hot.

I don't know what to do!  I want to leave the house, but I don't want to die.  Admittedly, I enjoy the summer.  I like hot dogs and pools and wearing cool sunglasses.  I like inflatable palm trees and beach balls and hot pink bikinis.  A fantasy of mine is to be in an 80's, summertime house party.  I want there to be big, drunk jocks with short cut football jerseys that show their greasy bellies (why did they even do that?) and girls with big hair doing that weird, spazzy 80's dance.  The one with the flailing arms and that kind of skipping thing.  You know what I'm talking about.  Just think about it.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.  There has to be a guy wearing a lampshade, too.  Oh, man, never forget Lampshade Guy.

I don't know where I'm going with this so I'll get to the point ehhh:

I really want to try a "red beer."  What exactly is a "red beer?"

Well, it varies and depends on personal taste, but from what I've gathered, it's a Mexican lager beer mixed with hot sauce, lime and anything else that doesn't sound too appetizing in a beer.  It really is like a Bloody Mary, whereas you substitute vodka for beer. 

Today, I want to try a variation of this concoction -- I'm going to make myself a michelada.  It easily falls under the "red beer" umbrella, featuring a heart helping of hot sauce, beer and little, green limes.  I went with a michelada because the preparation is a little more thorough and delicate than, say, dumping a glob of salsa into a Coors Lite.  Plus, I really like saying "michelada."

Online recipes dictate that to make a michelada, you'll need hot sauce, Worcester sauce, soy sauce, salt and lime.

I want to play bartender, but I don't want to play "guy who buys the stuff for the bartender before the bar opens."  A role like that is too much to handle.  I can only imagine myself lost in the supermarket, aimlessly wandering the aisles, a hollow, shell of a man as I try to figure out what the hell Worcester sauce even is.  So I'm gotta cut a few corners and skip a few steps, blah blah.  It'll still be good.  TRUST ME.

Step 1: Pour beer into a chilled glass.  Preferably, a Mexican lager.

I got Dos Equis.  I like Dos Equis.  My older sister once told me that she thought Dos Equis tasted like tires, which has always made me think of drinking tires when drinking Dos Equis.  Which, oddly enough, hasn't deteriorated my consumption.  I suppose I like the taste of tires?

Step 2: Add a dash hot sauce, or, like...anything that would make the beer red.

I'm gonna use this V8 Spicy Hot, because I want something with a little more oomph than a few drops of hot sauce.  Plus, I don't have any hot sauce on hand. 

I've always been hesitant with V8 (tastes like shit) but the spicier version adds a whole new level of excitement.  It's not as shitty.  The spice masks the shit.  Overall, though, V8 does have it's merits.  In fact, I like knowing that if I drink a small can of the stuff once every six months, I'll absorb all the vitamins and nutrients I'll ever need.  Because that's what it does.  That's what it does for your body.  V8 is magic.

Now, I've seen people use Clamato before, too, which would be nice, but I've already hit my Diarrhea Limit for the week.  Sorry.

Actually, I think that would taste kind of...fun.  An interesting test of taste, if you will.  Hell, Budweiser offers their own "Budweiser and Clamato" in a can, so it can't be that bad if an idea.  But probably is.  I'll save it for next time.

Step 3: Admire and enjoy.

Well, there we have it.  I, of course, didn't bother with Worcester sauce, soy sauce or a salted rim.  It would absolutely make this more interesting and exciting and delicious, but the priority wasn't high enough, I guess.  Fortunately, as is, it tastes pretty alright.  Sure, it's like sipping on watered down, fizzy pizza sauce, but it has a merry, summertime feel to it.  I only use the word "merry" because I'm getting a distinct Christmas vibe with this drink.  I like that.

I like you, michelada.