Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I really like comic books. It's been a growing obsession since I can remember, and even now it still seems to be getting larger and more monetarily sinful. I try to hold back, but nuh-uh. I'm in it to win it.

Okay, in high school, I was never a fan of the superhero stuff. Fittingly, I was way into any and all indie comics, local shit and everything that was about how much life sucked. It was my boring way of trying to be cool by trying to be depressing, minus the fact that it was neither cool nor all that depressing. Sleeping a lot and continuous spins of any Smiths record woulda been better, but that's just boring. I was more a part of the "active sad-goth lifestyle."

Eventually, I gained an appreciation for superheros and the multiple universes they live in, however tremendously pointless that all is. I really do feel knee-deep in the world of DC, mega-hellbent for Marvel this-and-that. I'm all consumed with following and understanding character storylines and individual, extensive backstories. I need to know every X-Man around, I have to fully grasp as to what makes Clayface who he is, or my life won't have any meaning to it. I'll walk endlessly through time and space, unaware and afraid, sick and lonely.

But in all seriousness, you ever wish you were a superhero? Like, seriously? I'm pretty sure I run through this scenario in my mind at least five times a day, but now let us indulge this idea together. It's easy to imagine being a "Batman" type guy (yay, he's just a regular dude!) but I'd totally wanna have invincibility, flight, super strength, whatevs. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than knowing I can throw my forehead into a brick wall, fly to Russia for cocktails and visit the girls locker room for some xxx-ray vision naughtiness. Yeah, I so just outted myself as a perv.

I lied. It's not only easy to imagine yourself as Batman because he's a regular guy, but because it's the only logic you and I have -- if you really want to consider yourself a candidate for superhero-dom, you have to look at the facts. You have to account for what isn't and what is. Question:

Do you have superpowers or have been given temporary superpowers through wearing a specific object or objects or through magic you've mysteriously or not so mysteriously have encountered? No? Well, you're fucked.

That's why you're given, as you have with Batman, a semi-logical excuse to maybe be a part of something that's impossible. Joker's human, too, right? That's cool. Wildcat, Punisher, Catwoman, Green Arrow, they're all human. Just a couple of nutjobs with big guns and even bigger balls. But my favorite...my sweet, sweet favorite:

Floyd Lawton, DEADSHOT.

So good I need two!

Yeah, all theorizing goes go to hell when you figure that Superman can vaporize your bones from across the planet or even Swamp Thing...fuckin' Swamp Thing...can kill you dead before you even notice it. But hey, that's the fun in comics. ENDLESS AND MINDLESS DEBATING.

So, Deadshot is a mercenary for hire. He works for the likes of Suicide Squad and the Secret Six, always taking any job as long as it pays some decent moola. Can't blame him there. He's somewhat bad, sometimes good and always an amazing marksmen with any and all weaponry. He's fought some serious heavyweights, metahuman and nonmetahuman, so he ain't no puss. He's got a cool mask with a red sight thing, a badass gun-thing on his forearm and a really sweet mustache. Thingy-thing.

Not gonna lie, I really want yellow leather gloves now.

Also, Deadshot smokes. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how cool smoking is, or why it makes you look like a genuine rebel without a cause, but it works for this guy. It works for this character. Ya see, along with being a regular shmuck with fantastic aim and no hesitation to kill, he's a regular shmuck with fantastic aim and no hesitation to kill who smokes. By smoking, it makes it seem plausible to do what he does, charred lungs included. If he can go up against the entire DC Universe as a chain-smoking, average Joe, why can't I? It makes me feel like he's one of us, like one of the people.

Christ, I need to get out more.

Oh, yeah yeah. I've totally been missing for, like, a month now. I know this, and I know that I suck. So because of this suckiness, I feel I need to address this issue. I need to make a statement:

It's because I'm lazy.

But hey! I'll try to SUPER BLOG this entire week, which could either mean that it'll be so-so good, or shamefully dissapointing.

You can count on me, world!


  1. Dude, I worked in a comic shop for 3 years and spent that time religiously reading EVERYTHING that was released in that period. To start off with everything was shit, sadly, but then something magical happened, Identity Crisis happened, then Infinite Crisis... Shitty New X-Men Academy X was taken over by Craig Kyle and Chris Yost and became the best X comic that had ever been published. X-23 came out. By the time I stopped working there life was all The Goon and Civil War, bad-ass Green Lantern, leading on to mega-cool crossovers like Messiah War... And now I've hardly got two coins to rub together and comics are better than ever but I can't fucking afford most of them!
    You need to read Crossed GN by Garth Ennis, the most brutal horror comic EVER. Then we'll talk.
    And Deadshot might be cool as fuck, but if you're going for the DCU then Batwoman is easily the best thing they've published in the past decade.

  2. I used to be all into the superheroes when I was a kid but stopped reading comics when I got into high school. They were just bad. But I got back into comics when I was in college and haven't quit since. Generally, I steer clear of the superheroes and read only the indie-type stuff. There's just WAY too much going on with Marvel and DC for me to shell out all my hard-earned dollars just to keep up.

  3. Not only is Deadshot cool, he's been in two of the best comics...EVER! Suicide Squad by John Ostrander and Secret Six by Gail Simone (which is, in my opinion, the best thing DC is currently publishing).

    Oh, and I'm totally a geek as well: I actually own that figure...and pretty much all of the Mattel DC Universe figures from that series. Super-poseable, cool sculpts and great characters. Sure, I'm a sad nerd, but I don't give a crap! I think it's cool, and that is all that matters!!

  4. Bobby, Bobby,

    I have ALWAYS been a huge fan of the Joker.
    The intricasies to the character. It has always just mesmerized me. Long before the opening of the Dark Knight. (however, that take on the character only served to heighten my love of it anyway).


  5. Kirk, you're right, it seems that comics either suck or don't suck. There's no inbetween. I think I hated superhero shit when I was younger because the superhero shit was big-breasted, poorly drawn nonsense. Like, that "Spawn" style. Sketchy, flowing type art. Anything off of Image Comics, if that makes sense. Ya know what I mean? Now I think it's getting good, though. I'm digging it!

    And Gill-Man! Fuck yes! I'm so super stoked on the Secret Six. I LOVE IT.