Sunday, November 8, 2009

Marvel in My Pocket!

Every now and then, I tell myself I won't buy any more useless nonsense. I go through the motions of personally vowing to stop obsessing over any more ridiculous crap that'll just end up in the back of the closet, between the dusty Sega Dreamcast and broken AT-AT. You see, I'm a collector. But unlike some, there's no method to my madness, and I've never been one to keep to a specific route of hoarding. I like amassing large amounts of material possessions, whether it be monster cups from 7-11 from 1983, or miniature, porcelein Buddha statues (cherubic, bubbly faces is a personal weakness) I read novelty item catalogs for fun, and have been known to fawn over and create Amazon wishlists, just for kicks on a Saturday night. But one of the things I like to make sure I have enough of to last a few world wars is comic book related stuff. You can call me a fan of graphic novels, or even a bigger fan of cluttering up my desk with X-Men memorabilia, it's all the same to me. Basically, I have enough Marvel junk littering my place to even make Stan Lee uneasy. And today...I make my presence and natural existance uneasy...some more!

Ya know, I've been handing over my money to Marvel Comics for years, but this time it's personal. This time they're just daring me to throw financial caution to the wind, crack open the wallet and go to town.

Ooo boy...Handful of Heroes!

A fun mixture of the M.U.S.C.L.E. and Monster in My Pocket toy lines, you've got these bad bitches. I promise I won't make a joke about having a "handful of hero," 'cause I'm sure you're already halfway there. But you're offered a grip of superheroes (ha!) all under an inch tall and brightly colored (ha ha!) I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to the zany colors and general "kapow!" quality. You're just kinda drawn to it. They're like tiny, intricate pieces of candy (that clear orange looks delicous) shaped specifically for my weird interests. I'd be down to chew on some Archangel.

When I first saw them in the store, I thought there was no way I'd fall for it. Toy lines like this are created and pre-destined to ruin any kid with any determination to complete what they started. The box demands you collect all 120 figures, and if I was a young pup, I wouldn't settle for anything less. Once you got caught up in the madness, there was no way out. You go big or you go home. And at seven bucks a pop, apparently, you go broke, too. Blarg.

But hot damn, I really and truly am a fan of eerie, obsessive-compulsive style collecting. It gives me something to be on the lookout for, like I'm on the hunt for a cancer-curing Spiderman no taller than a quarter. Maybe he'll grant wishes, too, I dunno. But being an adult with absolutely no time or money to spare on miniature Thors and Hulks, I had to be damned with this overpriced, overpowering bullshit and reluctantly pass on it, one-hundred-and-ten-percent without exceptions.

So I got three packs. Kill me now.

I feel if I was a little bit younger, Pokemon would have destroyed me. I'm not saying that buying tiny, choke-worthy comic book characters is somehow more of a respectable vice, but at least it ain't animal-plum hybrids and electrical, yellow cats. Seriously, I just made Pokemon sound awesome right there.

I snagged a few Hulks, a lot of Nick Furys, a Metamorpho (neat!) and possibly a Skrull. All I care about is that he has a sweet sword and is painted demon-black, so yes, my fave.

Naturally, it comes with a checklist detailing all the way cooler figures you didn't get, but it did at least mention that there's only forty figures to collect, painted in three colors each. So that narrows the playing field down a bit. I can sleep well tonight.

Overall, I'm into it. It's a fun throwback to sillier days where toys demanded some imagination and bartering skills. I can't say I'm gonna continue to to go apeshit on this, but I had my fill for one lazy, Sunday afternoon. I really like that Metamorpho, though. Just saying it out loud feels good and right. Metamorpho. Ahhh yes.

Alright, have fun!

The colors, duke! The COLORS!


  1. You just said (on the internet, mind you) that you have a Sega Dreamcast collecting dust in your closet. Say goodbye to your front door, Bobby; this Sega freak's comin' to your town ;)

  2. Get that Dreamcast out. One of the best consoles ever created!

    I think my missus is going to have a heart attack with the amount of shit I have. Nearly every console going from the NES up, thousands of toys and the startings of a big guitar collection. She'll probably do the womany thing and throw them in the attic, then secretly give them away to some charity.

  3. Metamorpho is DC comics, sir.

    You probably got a Super Skrull.


  4. Ha! You're right. I totally blew that one. It looked liked Metamorpho, though. Curses!

  5. Oh man, I so have to snatch those up next time I'm at Walmart or Target.
    I don't even care that I can't name about 80% of them, they're just so brightly coloured and calling my name. "Elizabeth, come buy us... we'll be your friend..." and then POW, like Sirens, they'll lure me onto the proverbial rocks and leave me stranded there, penniless and poor. ;_;

  6. I need those. I have been hoarding piles, closets, and tubs full of my nerd treasures for years. It drives my poor fiance insane. We never have closet space because of my insane piles of comics and misc craziness.

    When we moved recently I turned my bathroom into my nerd throne, all comic book related. I framed alot of the older not too pricy comics and hung them, made a mural on one wall.. Just so my treasures wouldn't sit in a box anymore.

    I've tried to stop hoarding my childhood and I just can't -- people like us need a support group! haha