Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Darkness Warrior!

I thank Davey for this post. He kindly took it upon himself to wade through the aisles of the dollar store, stocking up on God knows what, thinking about the massive savings that were to come, but about me, too. He picked out some fun shit and gave me some great blog material with it. He gave me a reason to spend a Wednesday night staring into the computer screen. He gave me a Darkness Warrior:

Nothing says fun like a weird, cheap knock-off of...something you can't quite put your finger on! I've stumbled upon rip-off Spiderman junk, GI Joe crap and some Transformers-esque stuff, which has been some of my favorite. I got a really cool, shiny black robot the size of my head, that looked like a cross between Gundam Wing and a Decepticon riding in the Hell's Angels. It was a one of a kind find, which eases the pain after knowing my reputation has just been flushed down the toilet after referencing Gundam Wing. Well, it was a good run!

This product here, well, okay...this ain't an obvious recreation of another more popular series of toys. None that I can think of, really. Nope, none whatsoever.

Well, fuck me.

Honestly, I never even thought of the Skeleton Warrior figures (which is so awesome oh my God oh my God!) but yeah, total rip. But to save face, I was thinking more that this came straight from "Army of Darkness," or "Clash of the Titans." A dirty skeleton in Knights of the Round Table garb, set up with enough shields and plastic swords to give you and your demanding habit of cross-breeding your other toys' weapon arsenals a solid run for it's money. I so know I'm giving my Han Solo a barbarian, battle axe later tonight.

So it's settled. This clearly and easily wins, "Best Dollar Store Find."

Also, "Dollar Store Find I'm Likely to Quickly Lose on My Desk, Never to be Thought About Again."

I gave him two war-weapons, 'cause I never believed in that "shielding yourself" philosophy. Ah, not really. I kinda just feel a walking, talking bone machine of death needs two killing devices. It's more than a designer decision -- it just feels right. Who ever said I wasn't good at feng shui?


  1. You know, maybe it's just coincidence, but it's oddly gratifying seeing a blog post from you after I mentioned it on FaceBook.

    That said, I think I need to find better Dollar Stores to start going to, because I never find awesome junk in mine; it's all just junk that looks like no one in their right (or coffee-addled) mind would ever buy.

  2. You know, that is actually pretty rad! In fact, I never find any cool shit like this at MY dollar store! Usually, the only toys they have are cheap foam shooting guns that break immediately upon being released from their packaging (apparently, the plastic is so crappy that exposure to air causes instant decay).

    I'd actually like to buy several of those to place in random spots in my house and office. This is why my co-workers are afraid of me, and my wife never wants me to touch her. I digress....yeah, who doesn't love skeletons carrying around their own arsenal? Okay, besides my wife and co-workers?

  3. For a moment there I thought you meant he actually FOUND that Skeleton Warriors figure at the 1-Dollar Store. Fuck me, I almost had a heart attack.

  4. I love stupid toys, the stupider the better. Espically ones that have weapons that are was to big for them to handle. And you only seem to get that with the cheap shit you find in dollar/pond stores.