OUTTAKES.

As you can imagine, any new album will bring a slew of new, sexy shots for a band. You need to get yourself out there, truly brand yourself with the go-to image of the band. Over the years, we've taken multiple routes, but we're slowly figuring that the best possible scenario is to get as many photos in as possible. Just give ourselves way too many options, allowing us to slowly add the cream of the crop to the interwebs.

We wanted "Motorhead," we got, "Walker Texas Ranger."

Yeah, we're right in the middle of a photoshoot. Another one. Andy Hartmark, our good friend and reluctant slave to our wild and inane backdrop/location ideas, took the helm and knocked out another solid set of photos with us. We twinkled our eyes, we pursed our lips in the highest, Jersey-Shore-form and we did it up. Did it up hard.

Now, I know I've done something like this before. It's a pretty cheap way to clock in this week's blog, but what can you do? This is a good chance to show the rest of the pics that never made it through, the ones we couldn't all decide on as a group. So yeah, you're absolutely right. I'm saying "fuck that!" and posting them now. I love my blog! Ha!

We took these photos at an Arizona scream park type deal. Andy, our main main with a plan, took these shots. So if you always thought this set sucked, blame him. If you think it's awesome, well then, blame me. I express myself through my eyes.

It was in the late morning, before it was to open up for the night, and was entirely desserted, save for all the props and costumes lying about. There were enough demon clowns and bloody entrails to last you a lifetime I'll tell you what. So what with living in Arizona, the entire place had that "western" feel to it, like a horror movie starring Billy the Kid as an axe murderer. It was pretty cool, and as you can tell, we took some shots in dusty saloons, old-timey storefronts, creepy-viney-walls, etc. Keep in mind, this was in the middle of the day, and with the sun burning our faces off, we nearly shit ourselves. Calabrese photos...in the daytime?! There was no way we'd be posing under, near or around direct sunlight. It just throws off the vibe, you know? Good thing Andy had an ace firmly up his sleeve. An ace called "post-editing Photoshop."

Enjoy!

Darkness Warrior!

I thank Davey for this post. He kindly took it upon himself to wade through the aisles of the dollar store, stocking up on God knows what, thinking about the massive savings that were to come, but about me, too. He picked out some fun shit and gave me some great blog material with it. He gave me a reason to spend a Wednesday night staring into the computer screen. He gave me a Darkness Warrior:

Nothing says fun like a weird, cheap knock-off of...something you can't quite put your finger on! I've stumbled upon rip-off Spiderman junk, GI Joe crap and some Transformers-esque stuff, which has been some of my favorite. I got a really cool, shiny black robot the size of my head, that looked like a cross between Gundam Wing and a Decepticon riding in the Hell's Angels. It was a one of a kind find, which eases the pain after knowing my reputation has just been flushed down the toilet after referencing Gundam Wing. Well, it was a good run!

This product here, well, okay...this ain't an obvious recreation of another more popular series of toys. None that I can think of, really. Nope, none whatsoever.

Well, fuck me.

Honestly, I never even thought of the Skeleton Warrior figures (which is so awesome oh my God oh my God!) but yeah, total rip. But to save face, I was thinking more that this came straight from "Army of Darkness," or "Clash of the Titans." A dirty skeleton in Knights of the Round Table garb, set up with enough shields and plastic swords to give you and your demanding habit of cross-breeding your other toys' weapon arsenals a solid run for it's money. I so know I'm giving my Han Solo a barbarian, battle axe later tonight.

So it's settled. This clearly and easily wins, "Best Dollar Store Find."

Also, "Dollar Store Find I'm Likely to Quickly Lose on My Desk, Never to be Thought About Again."

I gave him two war-weapons, 'cause I never believed in that "shielding yourself" philosophy. Ah, not really. I kinda just feel a walking, talking bone machine of death needs two killing devices. It's more than a designer decision -- it just feels right. Who ever said I wasn't good at feng shui?

Hey Look, I Can Read! "Running Man" by Stephen King.

Right now I'm reading, "The Running Man," by your friend and mine, Stephen King. I can't truly justify this being the complete "rock and roll mania" type material I usually look for in blogging (drinking and puking usually make for excellent bloggage, I know) but as I once did before, I figured I'd go the intellectual route. Throw in a couple of book reviews, current political events, really just drive the point home that I'm more than a drunk. Oh hell, I'll probably end up scrapping the whole idea and claim that I was just in Jersey doing body shots with Ke$ha. Now that's juicy!

Last time I blogged about my currenty literary liasons, I mentioned a few books. To be honest, I didn't quite finish them all, so I feel like I'm cheating a bit. I realize now, that I did some weird, reverse review, where I didn't even read the book, and never ended up reading it in the end anyways. It's like the ultimate blog-black-hole. And I'm pretty sure, that, because of it, I somehow created time travel. You can quote me on that.

So, this time around...I actually read the book. I even went through a small phase where I wanted to at least write this up halfway through the novel, and just fake the rest. All of my "reviews" are of me either gushing over toys or letting everyone know how much that new Alkaline Trio record "made my penis soft." So I guess, in the end, we'll all be okay. And no, I never reviewed that album. I'm pretty sure it's a total bonerkill, though. THERE I SAID IT!

One of the main reasons I wanted to read this book was because I love "fugitive" stories. Anyone who's gotta escape, manuever and trick their way into avoiding capture. I'm all about the back-against-the-wall scenarios, the no escape/holy shit there's no way outta this scenario. It's awesome!

Another reason I wanted to check this out was because I love the movie. Yeah, that one. With Arnold and Richard Dawson and the spandex outfits and all that crud. It's more a fond, loving memory I have of watching the film when growing up, 'cause it certainly ain't going down in history for it's Oscar-worthy performances. It's right underneath all the Indy movies and "Cloak and Dagger." But just short of "Star Wars" and anything with a midget in it. These are the movies that shape our lives.

But really, at that point, I still wasn't not sold. Why would I wanna read something that spawned Arnie's futuristic, cinematic blowout? I love the movie, I love the idea...why not leave it at that? Well, turns out the book is absolutely, insanely different than the movie. And legitimately good, too. It's one of those books that you're told is not only different from the movie, but essentially the complete opposite of the movie. The only similiarities are that it's based somewhere on planet Earth, and there's a guy. Doing things. It's like reading "Salem's Lot," then making a movie about a dog that can read the newspaper, ultimately becoming a journalist and cracking the case on a big, political scandal. I dub thee, "Newsie Schnauzer."

Now I gotta read "Salem's Lot."

But yeah! There's explosions, death, anger, pain, evil and an assload of action. This is good. Very good. Also, I'm well aware of how awful a review this has become. I never really let anyone know what anything is about (did I not mention the premise or plot? Whoops!) and just let everyone know how great it is. So for my next book review, I won't even mention the title, author or that it's even a book. Man, I love to blog!

Recommended!