MANHUNTER.

I think this is going to be my most quickest and pointless post ever. Yeah, you can argue that everything I've written up to this point has been uniquely and adequately pointless in it's own way, but this is the winner that takes all. This is my ode to red toys. Because I really like toys that are red.

Enter MANHUNTER, a cosmic robot created by the Guardians of the Universe in the land of all that is Green Lantern and shit. They help the Guardians, but soon turn against them, creating all sorts of dramz and stfu's. I will confess, I'm not entirely too into Green Lantern lore, and would prefer to keep any personal involvement to a minimum. I know, I'm hatin', but as soon as I found out there were millions of Green Lanterns traversing the galaxy, on top of the fact that Earth has, like, a few to begin with (doesn't each planet only get one?) TOPPED OFF by the multiple colored Lanterns now making their modern day grand debut, I just can't be a part of this circus. It's a dense world of endless ideas and imagination, and that's all great and wonderful, but I'm rightly confused and still don't understand a damn thing about it, even after monotonous attempts and long bouts of shameful sobbing. Plus, Ryan Reynolds? Really? ENDGAME, BITCH.

So, basically, I like red colored toys. And robots, but that's a given.

I got this at a Toys R Us, completely searching out something bigger and better than what lies before you. I'm unsure as to what that originally was, because I was blinded by MANHUNTER. All red, bulky and pumped full of heart and soul. He also has these wild blue wristbands and his head looks like those statues on Easter Island. You cannot tell me that you aren't blinded, too.

I'm not sure what the origin story is to my affliction for ruby-hued action figures, and I'm not even sure I could make one up. That's why this post sucks. But you know the Imperial Guard in Star Wars? I've mentioned it before, but I really like that guy. In real life, I'm sure he's a swell dude in rosey robes, but in toy form? Now we're talking.

It's just so red and perfect and highly chewable. The inclusion of soft, felt robes makes it even better, bringing all sorts of happy thoughts and good times to my brain, but that's a whole 'nother secret fetish. Knowing that a double-dose of fun exists in my life and in a glass case that-you-cannot-touch makes me wanna celebrate or something. Just stop typing, get up and head out to the nearest bar to go wildly apeshit over life. If anyone asks why I'm so intent on being intoxicated on a Wednesday night, I will say I got a huge promotion at work. I will also be carrying a socially acceptable briefcase and have a business tie wrapped around my forehead the entire time.

Also, red-lust extends to Shy Guys from Mario video games to anything Akira related. He had such a cool outfit.

Is this Manhunter figure, this glorious sculpture of plastic and power, making a perfect Wednesday Night Toy Party for this lonely, hollow man? Better be. Shit was, like, twelve friggin' bucks.

He comes with a lantern, too, to do all the things that Green Lanterns do, I guess. I kinda like it. In my infinite display of flip-floppery, I've flip-flopped once again. I feel like I've conned myself into liking Green Lantern crap, simply based for my love of this shimmering, magnificent Manhunter. It's all about each superheroes Rogue's Gallery, though, and this guy is a pretty awesome rogue. Part robot, part manhunter and...suspiciously edible.

SOLVED:

In the end, I suppose it boils down to the idea that my toys could be eaten one day, or at least look like they could be. Red is such a delicous looking color, and I probably wouldn't mind shoving this into my mouth sometime down the road. I like my toys to resemble Starburst. I like my toys doubling as food. I like toys!

Let's party!