Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I think this is going to be my most quickest and pointless post ever. Yeah, you can argue that everything I've written up to this point has been uniquely and adequately pointless in it's own way, but this is the winner that takes all. This is my ode to red toys. Because I really like toys that are red.

Enter MANHUNTER, a cosmic robot created by the Guardians of the Universe in the land of all that is Green Lantern and shit. They help the Guardians, but soon turn against them, creating all sorts of dramz and stfu's. I will confess, I'm not entirely too into Green Lantern lore, and would prefer to keep any personal involvement to a minimum. I know, I'm hatin', but as soon as I found out there were millions of Green Lanterns traversing the galaxy, on top of the fact that Earth has, like, a few to begin with (doesn't each planet only get one?) TOPPED OFF by the multiple colored Lanterns now making their modern day grand debut, I just can't be a part of this circus. It's a dense world of endless ideas and imagination, and that's all great and wonderful, but I'm rightly confused and still don't understand a damn thing about it, even after monotonous attempts and long bouts of shameful sobbing. Plus, Ryan Reynolds? Really? ENDGAME, BITCH.

So, basically, I like red colored toys. And robots, but that's a given.

I got this at a Toys R Us, completely searching out something bigger and better than what lies before you. I'm unsure as to what that originally was, because I was blinded by MANHUNTER. All red, bulky and pumped full of heart and soul. He also has these wild blue wristbands and his head looks like those statues on Easter Island. You cannot tell me that you aren't blinded, too.

I'm not sure what the origin story is to my affliction for ruby-hued action figures, and I'm not even sure I could make one up. That's why this post sucks. But you know the Imperial Guard in Star Wars? I've mentioned it before, but I really like that guy. In real life, I'm sure he's a swell dude in rosey robes, but in toy form? Now we're talking.

It's just so red and perfect and highly chewable. The inclusion of soft, felt robes makes it even better, bringing all sorts of happy thoughts and good times to my brain, but that's a whole 'nother secret fetish. Knowing that a double-dose of fun exists in my life and in a glass case that-you-cannot-touch makes me wanna celebrate or something. Just stop typing, get up and head out to the nearest bar to go wildly apeshit over life. If anyone asks why I'm so intent on being intoxicated on a Wednesday night, I will say I got a huge promotion at work. I will also be carrying a socially acceptable briefcase and have a business tie wrapped around my forehead the entire time.

Also, red-lust extends to Shy Guys from Mario video games to anything Akira related. He had such a cool outfit.

Is this Manhunter figure, this glorious sculpture of plastic and power, making a perfect Wednesday Night Toy Party for this lonely, hollow man? Better be. Shit was, like, twelve friggin' bucks.

He comes with a lantern, too, to do all the things that Green Lanterns do, I guess. I kinda like it. In my infinite display of flip-floppery, I've flip-flopped once again. I feel like I've conned myself into liking Green Lantern crap, simply based for my love of this shimmering, magnificent Manhunter. It's all about each superheroes Rogue's Gallery, though, and this guy is a pretty awesome rogue. Part robot, part manhunter and...suspiciously edible.


In the end, I suppose it boils down to the idea that my toys could be eaten one day, or at least look like they could be. Red is such a delicous looking color, and I probably wouldn't mind shoving this into my mouth sometime down the road. I like my toys to resemble Starburst. I like my toys doubling as food. I like toys!

Let's party!


  1. I'd be wary of letting anything named Manhunter in my house. For all you know, that lantern is for illuminating his path up your Hershey Highway. Better sleep with your door locked and your lights on. In fact, you'd better not sleep at all...

    ***Feel free to use any and all of the above for song lyrics on your next album***

  2. Ha! It IS a peculiar name for a burly, buff robot, I will admit. Also, a semi-obnoxious Hall and Oats jam.

  3. Man, see...I'm all KINDS of gay for Green Lantern stuff! I bought the ENTIRE wave of these figures, and I plan to buy the next set! Yeah...I'm even excited about the movie, Reynolds or not (besides, it's all about Mark Strong as Sinestro anyway).

    Now, to give you the geektacular answer to your question, each space sector is assigned TWO Green Lanterns now (in modern DC continuity anyway). Think of the GL Corps as being like cops, and they all have a partner on their beat. It is true that there are FOUR earthmen who are currently GL's, but only Hal Jordan and Jon Stewart(the black dude, not the guy who hosts "The Daily Show") are assigned to Earth's sector. The other two, Kyle Raynar and Guy Gardener, are assigned to Oa, the headquarters of the GL's. Gardener trains new recruits, and Raynar is an "Honor Guard". Told ya I'm completely queer for this stuff! Hey, Hal Jordan is the only DC character I can think of who sucker-punched Batman and didn't wind up in traction later! He's just freakin' cool, all the way around!

  4. Yeah, it's cool stuff, I'm not gonna lie. I really do like GL more and more. It's like any comic book character -- once you dig deep, shit starts getting GOOD. Like Superman. I hated Superman. Who cares about Superman? But once I started reading a bunch of stories and ideas and learning about all the villains and shit, I got super into it.

    Yeah, comics rule.

  5. Surely the turning point for Green Lantern love had to be when the Black Lanterns appeared, risen from the grave to swallow your soul? Or you could hark back to the times when Green Lantern lore pretty much sucked, and then the Sinestro Corps appeared with their yellow rings and tried to rule the galaxy through fear?
    Yup, I used to hate DC, but one day they sucked me in with their pretty coloured lanterns and convoluted backstories. And don't even get me started on the Legion of Superheroes that exist in the 31st century and were at one point led by Superboy and teamed up with the last surviving Green Lantern in the galaxy. Or those Red Lanterns that vomit blood...

  6. @ Bobby: yes, indeed, comics totally rule! I don't care how much of a giant-sized dork that makes me...they just fraking rock! I felt the same way about Supes at one point, but...just like you...I happened to read a good story and then discovered that there was a $#!+load of cool comics about Superman. GL is the same way! Read Green Lantern: Secret Origin, GL: Rebirth, GL: Sinestro Corps Wars, GL: Rage of the Red Lanterns and (most definitely) the Blackest Night'll be hooked! Blackest Night alone just freakin' rules!!! I mean, zombie DC heroes ripping out people's hearts? What's not to love?

    @ Francis: I used to be a strictly Marvel kinda guy, but somewhere along the way DC got really good! While I still love the Marvel characters, I feel the writing on those titles has really suffered in the Joe Quesada years (Spider-Man making deals with the devil? Seriously?). DC, on the other hand, went from rather lame to all kinds of awesome! Nowadays, I guess I'm just a full-on, well-rounded comic geek. I love any of those books with folks running around in skin-tight lycra punching each other!