This is from Marvel's "Superhero Squad" line of toys, a line tailor-made and intended for the younger Marvel fans. I always thought this was a cool route for Marvel, featuring all your favorite characters in small, cutesy form, spanning the most beloved characters to the more obscure. Already a TV cartoon and a videogame, I don't think it's doing too bad. I know kids must love these, and although it seems like it's all there is the way of modern, accessible Marvel merch these days, I can love it, too.
Now, I've always wanted to be a superhero. The closest I've come to making that an actuality is owning a ton of crappy Spawn shit and having the ability to sleep for a good eleven hours at a time. The Justice League may turn up their nose at my resume, but I'm certain there's a spot for me in the Justice Society. Way more liberal over there.
I can definitely see these masks going over well with any kid. As a full grown adult, I find the idea of parading around as an X-Man to be fun and rousing, so anyone under the age of twenty-six is bound to get down. Just thinking about slapping on Captain America's trademark identity invokes and incites a desire to fight and kick. I'm just begging for a world where supervillians existed and karate-chopping them in the chest was both invited and awarded. It's a solid testament to the theory that if you put on anything that implies heroism via violence, violence will be had. Even wrapping a towel around your neck makes you want to jump off the roof in attack mode. You can look up to the Green Lanterns' moral code and healthy, happy way of protecting life and all that is good and wonderful as much as you like, but you can't deny the fact that they're still ramming skulls into brick walls and bodyslamming people in supermarkets.
But something happened that night. My dreams were more vivid that usual, featuring an intensity I haven't experienced in a long time. Between the usual dream-topics such as waking up late for something important, being stabbed in a dirty alleyway or of Corey Haim and I teaming up to take down drug-peddling Nazis, I dreampt of costumed heros. I dreampt of those damn masks.
The next day, I went out a got a pair for myself. I would have bought all four, but Iron Man is played out and I'm not entirely convinced that a Spider-Man mask is equal to what he usually wears, which is, like, a face-hood or something. And it's more of a fabric as opposed to a plastic. We can argue all you want, but in my opinion, it's plausible that Wolverine and Captain America's masks are made of a plastic-like material. Therefore, these Captain America and Wolverine masks are superior to Iron Man and Spider-Man's masks. My money went to the right place.
I'm really digging the Captain America mask over there, man. It's nice to have some Cap in my life. The blue is bold and the wings are just plain cool, and can easily be snapped off in a tribute to Ant-Man. I know Ant-Man doesn't have a giant "A" on his forehead, but just go with me. We're in the middle of some playtime here.
I take that back. I love that raincoat. So much.
Alright. I know and am well aware that I've got the sideburns, and God forbid, I'm actually thinking about adding a bright red "X" to the arm of my leather jacket. But please, guys, please don't bring me down to such a sad estate of affairs by having me post a photo of myself in this mask. It's weak, it's sad and I don't want to end up on the internet like the "Tron guy." I'm already half-retarded on YouTube, and my Facebook posts paint me as a drunk, confused man. Anything is possible these days.