Christmas Burger.

Recently, I've been getting way into the art of "the hamburger." Not sure why I put that in quotes, but I feel it elevates a certain flair I'm going for. I need something solid to grasp onto with this post. This is gonna be all over the place.

I've mentioned the place before, but I like to go to Four Peaks in Tempe, AZ. It's a typical bar/restaurant that doubles as a legitimate, full-blown brewery. When most places say they brew their own beer, they're full of shit. Because this place actually does. Unless most places do? I'm not sure how that works.

They really do create their own beer there, though, which is awesome to imagine jumping into one of those gigantic, metallic vats full of hops and barley and sticky stuff.

Four Peaks also has chicken burgers, nachos, sandwiches -- typical bar fare, but in my opinion, a cut above the rest. It ain't a chain restaurant, so I feel good about that. I feel like I'm supporting the community by supporting my insides with meat and cholesterol. My only complaint is that it's always packed. There's no way around it and there's no discernible conclusion as to why that it is, but Sunday nights, Tuesday mornings -- just jammed full of people. I know it says a lot about the great tasting food and drink, but I like a little elbow room every now and then, ya know?

Plus, it's a sports bar. Not as bad as most, but multiple TV's blaring football and baseball is not that great for a guy who barely knows what "sports" is. A fungi of sorts, no?

I usually drown it out. It helps when there's a family of eight with two crying babies to help you along, which is a common occurrence. Also a common occurrence? College kids. Don't even get me started on college kids.

What's my point? Hamburgers are good and it's Christmas so let's eat a hamburger.

It's a Christmas Burger! Because I have nothing else to talk about!

What's so Christmas-y about it? Not a damn thing. There's nothing to indicate holiday cheer and good tidings, but that's alright. If anything, I'll pretend the lettuce is mistletoe, then throw away the mistletoe because mistletoe makes everything slide around.

It's a Southwest Burger, one of my favorite selections off the menu. I always order it, not out of loyalty, but out of fear of ordering something that sucks ass. Stick to the classics and go with what you know, people.

The Southwest Burger is a juicy cut of beef topped off with a roasted, Hatch green Chile and a generous slathering of their fine, fine "secret sauce." To say that it's good is an understatement. To say that it's JESUS CHRIST THE BEST BURGER ON EARTH is an overstatement. To say that it's pretty delicious is an about average statement.

I usually substitute fries for a side salad, too. It helps ease the guilt, and is surefire display in dazzling food mathematics. Fresh salad + greasy meat patty = body of an Olympic champion.

Merry Christmas! Eat a hamburger!