Merry Christmas!
Your present? A truck-load of
me!
Yeah, that's right. A slew of photos specifically designed to thrill and entertain your innocent and virgin-like eyes! Pictures to hypnotize and mesmerize! Images to instantly click out of and punch the computer because this was a shitty Christmas gift!
I know, it's not the best, but what else can I do with the resources at hand? If it was at all physically possible, I would literally jump through the internet, pop out into your kitchen and make you breakfast. It would have to be instant oatmeal and toast, because that's the extent of my charity. No orange juice or jellied jams allowed, though. Way too sticky.
Now, what you see below is a
massive pile of photos featuring me, Davey and Jimmy. I wanted to post these because...well, the reason isn't necessarily a good one. Or a sane one. Let me explain:
Whenever you search "Calabrese" in Google images (I automatically exclude all inferior search engines) you're offered a buffet of Calabrese imagery, art and photos. Where's the problem? This imagery, art and photography isn't controlled. It isn't the best of the best. Where as
I want recent promo photos or thrilling artwork from the last album, Google gives random Italian stuff and old images of us as goth cowboys.
For whatever reason, knowing that I can't manipulate what comes up when you type in our name is a harrowing thought. It makes me feel belittled, shamed and slightly confused. Why can't I get the good stuff up there?
I add simple and obvious tags, I name all the photos "calabresebandhorror," I watch old reruns of Golden Girls and cry a good lot in the shower. Isn't that enough?
It must make sense, through whatever system and design they're running with, I can't feel
too bad. I have a feeling that Google knows what they're doing, even if it paints me as a broccoli loving fat dude. You play with fire, you get burned. Does that make sense with what I'm talking about? No?
I keep an updated Tumblr on deck, which helps in the process of clogging the Google pipes up with our faces. So far I've seen a few changes (which is actually kind of surprising to know it actually worked, yay!) but nothing
too dramatic has happened so far. Rome wasn't built in a day, people.
So here it is, a hot pile of steaming Calabrese! Live stuff, promo stuff, whatever. This is my grand attempt at truly molding my own online destiny. Soon these images shall be burned into the world wide web, stuffed down the internet's throat, dominating the online universe and showcasing our ugly mugs! Yay!
Merry Christmas! And suck it, Google!
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| CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll! |
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And a Merry Christmas to youse guys! If you find yourself needing even more concert photos, feel free to use these: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dex1138/sets/72157626700145347/
ReplyDeleteAhhh, this was the best Christmas present ever! Now I just need them all printed and pasted on my wall!!
ReplyDeleteDex, thanks! Will do.
ReplyDelete