Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Story of Elvis Busts and Saved by the Bell.

Do you remember the episode of Saved by the Bell where Screech's mom is leaving town so the gang decides to have a party at his house? And his mom is really into Elvis? And has an Elvis bust? And they end up dancing and going crazy and knocking the Elvis bust into a million pieces? Of course you do!

All actual details aside, I've always wanted an Elvis bust because of that episode. Because of that show. Because of Screech's mom.

It's odd. But I know I'm not alone in this, either. A quick Google search and you can tell other people obsess about this weird, minute detail in television history, too. Hell, where do you think I stole this screen cap from?

So, there it is. Singing, smiling Elvis Presley. I think what I like more about it this is that it's placed on a really nice, golden pedestal. Screech's mom has a golden shrine dedicated to Elvis in their grape colored living room. How cool is that?

I've kept my eyes open for an Elvis bust (and a golden pedestal) throughout the years because of Screech's unusual ability to influence and dictate. Sure, I love Elvis as much as the next guy, but that scene really sealed the deal. I want that statue. I need that statue.

Fortunately, I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go. There are dozens of incarnations of this specific Elvis entity -- lamps, cookie jars, everything ranging from the outrageously detailed to the crudely painted, etc. Depending on the jerk seller, I usually see these bad boys priced at over a hundred bucks (fuck!) and, unfortunately, anything under forty bucks is usually 3/4 chipped or the size of a pine cone.

I once tried to weasel an awesome Elvis lamp from the owner of a bar in Erie, PA. I offered him cold hard cash for the treasure, the good stuff, cabbage, dinero, legal fucking tender! Sadly, he told me to fuck off. I wholly understand, it was definitely a nice piece. As it turns out, the bar doesn't exist anymore, so...I won?

This ol' dog always comes out on top, though.


It's not the one, but eh it's close.

This is nice because it's "Hawaiian Elvis," and that's OK with me. Say what you will, but that was a fine time in Elvis History. Jumpsuits, colorful leis, endless buffets, the works.

The quest was fortuitous, though. I got this for a clean fifteen dollars and it's the size of a desk lamp. Someone must not have seen Saved by the Bell Season 2, Episode 5: "House Party" and accidentally didn't price this accordingly. What a loser.

Look at those sideburns! Those eyebrows! That smirk!

Kiss me, you fool.