Crystal Head Vodka.

We know the story behind these things -- skull shaped bottles of vodka, either endorsed/created by Dan Akroyd or completely not.  We know they're filled with vodka, we know they're vaguely mystic and might make you hallucinate.  Or at least that's what we hope.

Now, Dan Akroyd.  His brand is "Crystal Head Vodka."  We've seen them around, we've all fancied a taste of this perfectly timed assault on our livers -- "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was, like, just released.  I have now idea if it all happened in one, hasty blur, but a quick search and I've found that it's purely coincidental that two factions of entertainment have included a crystal skull as their mascot, but I prefer to think it's all tied in to one another.  Dan Akroyd wrote the movie and George Lucas pees in each bottle.

Of course, there are the knock-offs.  I think.  I'm not entirely certain, but I'm sure I've seen counterfeit versions.  It's a natural move for any booze company, and wholly deserved by myself and anyone else who gets excited by shiny skulls and liquor.  It just makes that liquor...better, ya know?

Is this a knock-off?  Not sure.  While others explore variants like "Skull Vodka Crystal" or "Vodka Crystal Skull Head," I decided that I should name my own.  I like "Brain Goo Juice."  World, meet the first bottle of Brain Goo Juice.

The variations on this shit are seemingly endless, yet all perfectly acceptable.  Because if it's a clear cranium and it's full of booze, it's a step in the right direction -- a world dominated by all liquids being presented in a glass skull.  Slurpees, Diet Coke, orange juice, you name it.  If I could fit a spoon into the top, I'd fancy myself a root beer float right about now.

While at our last show in Vegas, our pal, Ian Lovecraft, stocked us up with a few miniature versions of these guys.  I love 'em.  In fact, dare I say they might be better than the larger ones?  Why?

CUZ THEY"RE SO DAMN CUTE THAT"S WHY.

It will be showcased next to it's bigger brothers, alongside an unfinished Chia Pet and a few bottles of True Blood.  I wish my social personality matched the eccentric nature of the top of my fridge.  Wacky coozies, empty sake bottles, a wooden drawing figure, etc.  From the photo above, you'd think I was a cross between Liberace and a purveyor of mini-clothing for mini-mannequins.  Who, of course, would be craaaazy.

Thanks, Ian!