Friday, December 13, 2013

Christmas in a Bottle!

There's a few things I really like about Christmas.  First and foremost would be the presents.  Following close behind would be the food and, consequently, the smell of food.  And I guess the decorations and the music and any Christmas themed episodes of any sitcom ever.  So pretty much everything.  BUT PRETTY MUCH THIS:

I dabble in scented candles.  I really do.  I like potpourri, I like scented pinecones, I even like those trash bags that kind of smell like flowers.  I try to get the candles that can stink up entire rooms, but I've yet to come across any that work unless you're hovering a foot and a half away from the source.  And even then you're kind of just doing that "sticking your nose in the air for a whiff" thing.


It's genius.  It's incredible.  It's vicious in it's simplicity.  Instead of waiting for the scent to go to you, you go to the scent.  You intermingle, you join, you become one.  You spray the damn stuff all over your furniture and literally sit in the stink of your own desire.  I figure there are other drizzle machines before the "Sweet Holiday Treat" version, but this is the first I've heard about it and this is all that counts.  It's Christmas and I really don't want to bake actual cookies.  I want it to smell like I did.

Ahh!  Sweet holiday treat!  Dulces para las fiestas!  What are you?  What secrets are hidden in your spray?  What darling confectionery will my nose be sucking in this holiday season?  What fragrance will dribble down the spout and forever stain my fingers with an unmistakable Christmas odor?

It's that!  It's that's thing!  The smell of cupcakes covered in a drippling of spiral icing!  Could that be chocolate?  Carrot cake?  Gluten-free red velvet?  Who cares!  It's Christmas!

Easy enough stuff, man.  Squeeze the trigger and go nuts.  Just don't point down.  Or in your mouth, even if you really, really want to.

It smells crazy good.  It's like cinnamon and vanilla and JOY.  It's overpowering, which I like, and it keeps the flavor of fun present for quite some time.  Definitely lasts longer than a few movies on Netflix.  Can't tell ya how long this sucker will be able to keep on doin' it's thang, but I figure it'll last all of December.  Assuming I'm humble with my spritzes.  So for what I can tell, this spray does the job and it does it well.  I cannot recommend this enough.  It's become my passion, my obsession.  I am a skunk in the wild.  A pheromone squirting animal.  I AM THE MIDNIGHT SPITTER.