Wednesday, October 31, 2012

It's Here! It's Finally Here! Halloween!

This is my carved pumpkin:


I used one of those "cut-out kits" you get from the corner store to achieve what you see above.  It's supposed to be the side profile of a vampire, but I accidentally sawed off the part of his face that represented the mouth, had to delicately use toothpicks to hold it in place, made continual stink-face, yeah yeah yeah.  I did it as quickly as possible, if I'm being at all honest.  The idea of carving pumpkins is delightful, and always puts me in a Halloween mood, but as soon as my hands touch the shitty mess inside, it's game over.

Ultimately, my creation is not that good, and I'm fine with it.

These are infinitely better, anyhow:




Thanks for the great pumpkin-tributes to Calabrese, guys.  I feel so warm and spooky and filled with happiness inside just looking at 'em all.  I feel too much of those pretzel M&Ms inside, too.  I'm a beaten man.

Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

S.L.U.G. Zombies!

Halloween is, like, NEXT WEEK.

Am I prepared?  No idea.  Fine, not at all.  

I've procrastinated long enough -- it's time to get my Halloween on.  Yeah, I'm gonna carve a pumpkin.  It's essential.  I'm gonna hastily decorate the front door for the two kids in the area who'll actually be trick-or-treating this year.  I will absolutely consume an entire bag of fun-sized Twix, instantly regret this act of Halloween gluttony and curl up on the couch in sugar-shame.

There will be movie marathons, there will be pumpkin flavored beer, there will be trips to the costume shops to by fake mustaches, cowboy hats and over sized spiders.

Of course, every store now is loaded with Halloween junk, all of which I've yet to fully investigate.  I've heard CVS has some swank product, and even Wal-Mart rolled out a fine stock of wares.  Target, of course, never lets me down, and this year is no different.  Firmly tucked away from the actual "Halloween section," (hey, close enough) I found these:


S.L.U.G. Zombies, man.  I doubt they were created to spark Halloween cheer into the hearts of all, but that's exactly what they did to me.  These are perfect.  THESE ARE HALLOWEEN.

Thankfully, people know how much of a loser I am.  A swell fellow online gave me the heads up on these things, which quickly turned into curiosity, jealousy then a full-blown obsession.  All based on a few photos on the Internet.  From what I could conjure up, these were M.U.S.C.L.E., Guts!, and Monster in My Pocket, all smashed up and spit out into a charming three-pack.  But wait!  They even have "mystery packs."  Giant sized packs.  A fucking carrying case for these things.  It's everything I've ever loved, past and present, here and now.  There's an obscure, hidden equation for time travel in that revelation.  It's your job to figure it out.


Yeah, they're pretty much a total rip of all the above mentioned, but that's why they're so great.  This time around, instead of army brats and half naked wrestlers, we're offered ghoulish, zombie-fied parodies of...well, whoever.  Andre Agassi, Rambo, Hulk Hogan.  Chefs, actors, historical figures, movie characters.  But they're rotting and dead and can fit in your mouth.  They're S.L.U.G.s.

"Scary Little Ugly Guys."  Get it?

I only intended to pick up one, maybe two packs of these guys.  But nope.  For whatever reason, I could only find the whole of "Series 2," which is a total of sixteen freaks.  Which I just had to have.  This is why I don't have friends, guys.

I'm unsure as to what the significance is with one being salmon-pink in each case, but I like to think it's a reference to M.U.S.C.L.E's awkward decision to make a brunt of their action figures...well, salmon-pink.  It's a comforting thought.  Thanks, guys!


Anyway, I dig them all.  But if I had to pick, my favorite would be "Mash-Up Mike."  He truly looks grotesque, with a classic "grappling" type pose.  I feel like I can easily direct scenarios of violence with him, with his hands out for perfect, punching power.  He also has a mohawk and a tiny bone-necklace.  It's all about the details.

I really like how each three-pack comes with a designated three.  Like, they could have mixed and matched each pack until the variations became random and endless, causing you to buy-buy-buy until you were broke-broke-broke, but they helped you out by keeping it consistent.  Thanks again, guys!

I guess that's it.  What more can be said?  I'm off to do some more Halloween-y things, and you should, too.  Only tonight and tomorrow to stuff in as much candy, Troma films and seasonal window clings into your life.

Well, more than you/we usually do.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Bruce Springsteen...or Peter Fonda from "Easy Rider?"

It figures. You go through the trouble of buying fitted, road-worn blue jeans, a red bandanna in a chaotic, Halloween store and a belt that looks exactly like the one Bruce Springsteen is wearing on "Born in the USA," and people just think you're Peter Fonda from "Easy Rider."

I'm never dressing up for Halloween again.


Actually, it was a lot of fun.  Usually, my go-to plan revolves around wearing a creepy monster mask that's either covered in blood or fur, so it was a nice change of pace to...you know, actually do something other than the Goat-Man.   Or a space creature with goofy teeth.  Or an ugly, fuzzy gorilla.  Fuck, I should have went as the ugly, fuzzy gorilla.

I honestly thought the American flag was the obvious climax of the costume, the "piece de resistance" that tied it all together.  I THOUGHT WRONG.  I even dabbled in the idea of actually carrying a damn Bruce Springsteen record under my arm, but surely that would have been overkill, right?  If only I had some motorcycle gloves and tinted sunglasses, I could have worn a two-for-one super-slam of a Halloween costume.  Actually, as far as anyone is concerned, I was both musical celebrity and motorcyclin' bad-boy.  And that's why this costume is better than yours!  Complete costume 180!

 Bobby Calabrese for the Halloween, 2012 win!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

"Dayglo Necros" Tour Recap, 2012!

...and wouldn't ya know it, we're already back. Pretty quick run through the US, now that I think about it. Started off pretty slow, but once things started picking up, my body and soul adjusted itself to nothing but Belvita, six hours of disjointed sleep and cheap beer. Have you seen these Belvita things? No, it's not related nor is it literally Velveeta cheese, but a pack of four Nabisco "breakfast cookies."  Without actually posting images, it's the only way to describe these biscuit-things. They're simply cookies you eat in the morning and there's no way around it.  It's glorious.

I dunk them in coffee. I munch on them during the day, before and after shows and in the middle of the night. Are they good for you? I have no idea, but I doubt that eating sugary wafers the first thing after waking up is the best idea.  Not the worst, though, because I said so and that's that.

We hit up St. Louis and worked our way all the way up to Brooklyn, NY.  Every stop of the way was a blast, where we met old friends and rocked new faces.  Ed Dexter, the dude who took the bottom half of these photos, described our show as "kinda like going back to summer camp."  I really like the idea of playing a gig and making out with the slutty, older counselor and pulling pranks on the assholes in the other camp across the lake.  They're assholes because they just are.  I said so and that's that.

Now that I'm back and have time to reflect, I realize that you get used to traveling.  You begin to like it.  You yearn for it.  But hey, at least I get to watch terrible movies on the daily now.  Man, I missed watching terrible movies.

Highlights:

BBQ in Columbus, OH at Ray Ray's Hog Pit.  Clean underwear.  "John Dies at the End" by David Wong.  Cans of Tecate with lime.  Family making it out to various shows.  The Arkhams in Providence, RI.  Speedwolf on blast while cruising through the country.  My "clone" in Indianapolis.  Getting cookies from fans at nearly every turn.  "Poo-Pourrie" bathroom spray.  The carnie/circus theme of the Red Palace in Washington, DC.  Spaceman/Astro-Bob.  The first shower of the tour.  Dunkin' Donuts everywhere.

The Exact Opposite of Highlights:

Various gear and all of my guitars stolen in Brooklyn, NY.

One minute we're eating in a cafe/bar across the street, the next minute I'm wondering why we left the passenger window open.  Yeah, it sucks.  Sadly, we had to cancel the show, and soon after we left the city with our tails firmly placed between our legs.  Surprising, I'm already past the grieving process, but man, was I ever bummed. I felt like a loved one had died.  My guitars hold a certain sentimental value, which is infinitely more shitty than just thinking about losing two planks of expensive wood.  But like I said, I'm over it.  I have to be over it.  I have to think of my guitars as dumb lumber.  I REFUSE TO LET THE ROCK AND ROLL SPIRIT DIE.

Plus, Halloween is right around the corner and I really don't wanna be a sourpuss.

So, yes!  Pictures!  If you've ever read this blog, you know I'm always messing with Google statistics and all that impossibly weird, Matrix-y shit.  The more photos I post = the better the chance people will see our faces when they search "Calabrese," and not a hot salami or a fat dude eating a crucifix.  Or something.  These are the best of the best I've seen in the last twenty-four hours...so check 'em out below!

Oh, and if you live in the Brooklyn area, keep your eyes peeled for those two guitars.  Pawn shops, I guess. It would be awesome to get my babies back, but I kinda like the idea of eventually seeing photos of another band live, and dead-center is my sweat stained, duct-taped guitar being played by some random jack-off.  Just sometime down the line.  I couldn't be mad at that point, just curious and analytical.  It would be really weird.

Yeah.

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!

CALABRESE - Believe in Rock and Roll!