Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Goat-Man Want Me Time in Spotlight!

Last last Halloween, I bought a monster mask from a local costume shop.  Every year, I try to make it a tradition to plop down some cash for a gruesome piece of wearable plastic, but that year was SO special that I didn't have to worry about last year.  I politely skipped tradition, because this particular monster mask is so spectacularly creepy, that I'm solid for years to come.  This will lead me well into 2019.

Hell, even Davey is outright disturbed by it.  I don't even think he can even look at it without squirming.  That's so cool.

Now, if you've kept up with this blog, you've noticed that Goat-Man likes to pop up every so often.  Whether it be of a toy review or admiration of his own face, he's here and he ain't leavin'.  This helps the workload, and relieves a bit of the pressure when I'm not feeling up to the task, but unfortunately, things have...well, they've taken a life of it's own.

You see, Goat-Man has grown a little too big for his britches.  Goat-Man is his own goat/man.  In the last month, he's been whining about lack of face-time and demands a little respect.  I guess he's feeling a bit left out, which is understandable, since I leave him tucked behind a stack of DVDs for eleven months out of the year.  Whether I like it or not, he wants some time in the spotlight. 

"Goat-Man want me time in spotlight!"


For whatever reasons, he demands an audience.  Constant solitude and the accidental missed feeding can do that to a goat-thing.  But believe me, I'd deny this request if I could.  He's just too...weird and wild.  I can't control what he says half the time, his sentences run off into crazy tangents, his huge horns are constantly in danger of poking some body's eye out, etc.

But looking into that dead, soulless stare and that wet, mangled mouth, I fear for my life.  Plus, I don't want him to be all pissed off when I try to wear him next October.  I scratch his furry back, he scratches my furry back.

Yeah, that was gross.


He is his own entity.  His own path of hairy destruction.

I'm not sure what exactly he wanted to do, but he's at least agreed to do a little Q&A.  I figure that's fair, and the more time he spends on the computer, the better.  He's a bit out of touch in today's world.  And kind of talks weird.  There's a charm to his ways, but be warned: he's kind of a butthole.

Well, have at it, folks.  Don't say I didn't warn ya!

Me Goat-Man!  Ask Goat-Man anything! 
Me like you!


  1. Goat-Man!

    How do you feel being the universal symbol of the Baphomet, and with being associated with all things generally considered evil? Also, how do sneakers taste?

    <3 MC

  2. Me live in dresser drawer, me don't even know what Baphomet is, let alone me know how to pronounce it. Me wonder why you ask about sneakers? What are sneakers? Me angry you embarrass me in front of everyone, me don't like!

    Me ask YOU what YOU taste like? Cheese, me bet! Me bet you smell and taste and look like cheese!


    Whatever cheese be.

    Me damn you!

  3. Oh, that was from Goat-Man. If you didn't already know. I'll try to make it more obvious next time! -- B

    1. Oh...is that what that smell is? The lady behind the counter sold me on this expensive French stuff..."Eau du Fromage". Might explain my mouse problem, too. Huh...

      Maybe I should invest in a mirror next...

      Thanks, Goat-Man!

  4. Dear Goat-Man,

    Your mane is luxurious and it's clear you never have a bad hair day. How do you maintain such glorious locks? Will you share with me your secrets?

    1. Me use the finest in hair products for Goat-Man hair, mainly me use Pantene GOAT-V.


      Me finished with question.

    2. Bobby you are the coolest fucking person to ever walk this earth...you speak for all horror/punk/rock fans in every blog man!!!!! Keep kicking ass!

  5. Dear Señor Count Mister Sir Goat-Man,

    What do you think of the current state of our nation's economy? Oh, and what's up with that Bobby guy that occasionally wears your face for fun?

    Roby Calabrese

    1. Goat-Man says:

      Me only been out of dresser drawer for a week and me hate it! Me think all world crazy, even if me have no idea what it actually means. Me go on Facebook, me see lots of people posting about the crazy things, me think we need to chill. Me may have gruff exterior, but me really a pretty relaxed Goat-Man.

      Me like turtles, too.


  6. Goat-Man!

    As a member of Bobby's dresser drawer, what kinds of secret, horrible things does he keep in there? Also, will you read to me "Billy Goats Gruff"?

    <3 MC

    1. Goat-Man says:

      Me sees a lot of weird things in there. Why does he have a pile of Star Wars figures next to the socks? Me wonder where this would make sense in any context. Me also am just a Goat-Man, so what do me know?

      And me hate reading! Too many words. Do you like staring into an infinite abyss of darkness, locked away until October 1st? CUZ ME PRETTY GOOD AT THAT.

  7. Oh Mighty Goat-Man,

    Have you considered decorating the inside of the dresser in order to make it more comfortable? Maybe a television, a kitchen, or some Swedish furniture?

    ~ Roby Calabrese

  8. Dear Goat-Man,

    Hypothetically speaking...if someone were to draw fanart of you, what sort of picture do you think would be appropriate? Are you a lover or a fighter? Action star or couch potato? At the moment I can't help but picture you as something of an Old Spice Goat-Man who wanders about with pipe, ascot, and leisure robe, engaging in uncomfortable and socially unacceptable behaviors while smelling vaguely of tires.

  9. Dear Goat-Man,

    Just how many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?