I'm a Dollar Store Whore -- Halloween Edition!

I love the dollar store. Between the knock-off cleaning products to the ripped up Nascar posters, there's always something for everyone. It's pretty much like gambling, where you never know what you're gonna get, and whatever you do get, you still kinda go home a loser. Except if you win, like, a ton of money on slots. Or something. Fuck this analogy sucks let's move on and let's go now.

I'm always on the lookout for weird, silly and fun shit. When it's Halloween time, it's usually open season for some seriously neat stuff. Brains in a jar? You'll find it. Plastic skulls and neon-green cobwebs? It exists everywhere, from Walgreen's to the gas station down the street. I can't imagine it ever being as awesome as some 80's movies tell me otherwise, but it is still damn charming to see a Target go mildly apeshit over a holiday for candy obsessed kids and really creepy guys in rock and roll bands. It's gametime, people, and I don't care who knows it. It's most definitely gametime at dollar stores, where a product's cheapness has absolutely no limits and a Halloween mask is nothing more than a glob of colored plastic sorta shaped like a monster face.

What I'm about to show you isn't shocking, nor is it all that interesting. I just really needed an excuse to go shopping in a place where I can run through the aisles yelling, "I can own all of youuuu!"

What we have here is the winning piece to the mighty haul. Thought we'd start with the best. Which kinda gives me an out if I get bored and scrap this entire post. At least I'll have the cool things covered. About four inches of some mysterious rock/ceramic material stands an army of pretty cool monster heads.


You're looking at a mighty Medusa (middle) a winner on all accounts for having serpents dangling from her dome, so I had to snag it. Obviously, Dracula is a clear fan favorite (it was there, and yeah, not shown cuz I didn'ts gets it) but I'm all for the Misfits styled skele-face-guy. So much that I had to get two. For a buck, it's pretty cool to have your desk adorned with something resembling an artifact straight outta Danzig's basement, so there's really no need for an explanation. Team Skele-Dude, all the way. Another cool thing is that these could easily be painted to your liking, assuming you're into that thing. Me? Naw, not really. The idea is impressive, tho. Goddamn awesome that I thought of it. Team Me all the way!

Skulls are a pretty generic staple when it comes to Halloween garbagey junk, but I'm always into it when one strolls my way looking like someone threw up on it.

I really like the eyeball dropping out of the socket, it's kinda what makes me me.

These "Beware of Zombies!" and "Enter at Your Own Risk" signs are fantastic. I feel like a random, strong gust of wind will snap them into pieces, but I can't complain with such fun graphics.

I like the creature hands on Sign #2, because I like anything that's associated with a giant, drooling fish-man. Not saying I'm gay for the Creature of the Black Lagoon, more that I'm bi-curious about his slimy body and gelatinous looking features. Which brings us to the end...

It wasn't in the Halloween section, but I had to grab this:

Can you say no to a snake that will grow up to 400% it's size? If I did the math right, that's as big as a minivan. My God, it better be as big as a minivan. I better make some space in the living room! I think it could go great next to the couch. People could prop their feet on it or I could tell them that it's my stuffed anaconda. Could be cool.

And so concludes our journey. Hey, I didn't promise a novel. Nor did I promise a complete documentation of all that I got (hey, maybe I'll save it for another blog) But do yourself a favor and go out and enjoy cheap yet frivolous spending. Hit up those local dollar joints and go wild. It's what I would do. It's what I did.