"HACK JOB!"

A few months back, a one James Balsamo e-mailed me. It was a proposal of incredible measure, bathed in secrecy and confidentiality. If I were to accept, fortune and glory would very well be in the palm of my hand. You see, it was an offer to lend a track in a new film called "Hack Job," a horror/comedy about a couple of dudes who get a script from Satan to make the best friggin' movie ever. And so enters a healthy helping of unrated nudity, repulsive gore and the kind of juvenile zaniness you'd expect from a Lloyd Kaufman film. Who, of course, is in the film.

WE ACCEPTED NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Many months later we get this:

Ta-da! James Balsamo, that kind fellow that he is, sent us a bunch of copies and other swag to keep my Halloween season running smoothly. The movie is out, the movie is going into DVD players across the world and yay!

If owning a horror flick featuring my band's music on it doesn't revive the weak Halloween mojo in my apartment, I don't know what will. The bragging rights alone can last well into Thanksgiving.

Being a part of any film, however small or large, is awesome. But this is awesome because of two very special reasons:

First off, and most importantly, this means we're that much closer to becoming international playboys. My current playboy status is only country wide -- I seek global. I demand planetary. And with one more movie soundtrack under my belt, I'm slowly building my empire and slipping into my role as degenerate philanderer.

Secondly, I really like having my band name on the same billing as Gwar. Yes, all the other bands make me giddy and happy, but Gwar is a personal win for me. Their giant masks and rubbery monster dongs have both been captivating and delighting me for years, and if I wasn't afraid of online rumors and continual harassment from my peers, I'd say I was happy as a schoolgirl right now. A sexy, buxom schoolgirl.

What? Don't believe my loudmouthed rumblings?

See? Right THERE!

In truth, I didn't really need to show you that, as the name "Calabrese" is well apparent in the first photo. I kinda had this photo floating around as a backup, and in my heart, I know I simply cannot waste it. I also realized I only had two photos to work with...so yeah, you understand. But, if anything, you get a zoomed up/in-depth photo of a big, drawn boob. Kinda cool, right?

Speaking of that drawn boob:

Jeffrey Zornow, the dude who did our "Devil Goat" t-shirt a while back, is also the man with a plan behind creating the cover art/t-shirt design of "Hack Job." Looks great, Jeff. I love it like my own child.

He did our art, he did "Hack Job's" art, we mixed, we matched, beauty unfolded. It's a mentally balanced thing, and because of this, I feel even more connected to the universe right now. If I knew what "chi" was, I'd say I had a load of it bubbling up inside of me right now. "Chi" means "fart," right?

If you're wondering if this was an attempted review of the film or a simple task in taking photos of all the pretty things people send me, I really can't tell you. It's kind of a cocktail blend of the two. Plus a boob and stuff.

Dig it.