Monday, October 3, 2011

Myspace Memory Lane.

Happy October! I know, with a name like "Bobby Vamp," you all expect some Halloween happy-time blog posts from me, and honestly, your expectations are expected. How many times can I write the word "expected?"

Clearly, this sexy month is prime for the H-ween picking, but this month is also dumb busy for yours truly. We always have shows during the year, but this month we have shows. Like, tons of 'em. And with these shows plaguing the entire month, the only times I'm free to sit down in front of the computer is to casually let everyone on Facebook know what movie I just watched and to, band stuff. I just don't have enough time to write about my favorite things during my favorite month as much as I like to, and for that, I apologize. But any other year, I swear, I really do make October my bitch.

But I promise to get more Halloween-y in the weeks to come. How can I not? The aisles of Target call to me, the dollar store beckons! As a member of Calabrese, it is my duty, and, really, how can I pass up a really great excuse to spend the rent on pumpkin plushies and spooky candles?


The other day I had to update something on myspace, which, by all accounts, is no easy task. The once massive forum for personal messaging and sharing personal photos is now a deserted wasteland that just really slows the fuck outta my computer. The small task of adding pictures is painful, creating social events is confusing and generally just navigating the entire forum is mind numbing. Basically, everything that was relatively easy on myspace is now Goddamn impossible.

Whatever self-destructing reasons or conspiracy theories are behind myspace's creeping decline, I don't know. But somehow, Calabrese still gets most of our traffic directly from myspace, so I'm still forced to update just as much as I used to. It's weird to think this online bloated corpse pushes an audience our way, but it is what it is. I guess I'm a slave for life.

Granted, things like commenting and messaging are so dead and gone (our last real, non-spam comment was from over a year ago) but it's still a pain in the ass. As soon as I'm logged on, sadness quickly ensues and I'm trying to get in and out as soon as possible.

All is not lost with myspace, though. If anything, it provides an interesting look into the past, into what once was, into all the junk we were, like...really fucking obsessed with.

Remember band banners? AIM icons? Customized "add me" boxes? I do. Because you had to. Because if you were a band and didn't have these marvelous tools you weren't shit.

These were the days of crappy websites and a boring myspace layout. The greatest thing to do, as a band, was to have a ton of incredible images jumping around and promoting whatever crap you were promoting. Near the end of myspace's run, it certainly was essential , and we took it seriously.

The point of this post is to honor the long lost tradition of flashy, moving band ads. In this day and age, there's no place for such frivolity, but I'm not the kind to bow out of the game that easily. I miss these things, if only because they looked really darn cool. And because they're being hosted by us and I'm never letting them go. Ever.

Let's start!

This was a part of our first batch of banners, as evidenced by one of our earlier and mildly embarrassing photo. It was created and designed by one of our friends, who, at the time, daringly wanted, and awkwardly attempted, to film a music video for us. We sang in front of a green screen for a few hours and had our buddy run around his living room couch with a machete...and then the whole thing was scrapped. Probably for the best.

Keep in mind, there's a lot more from this era, which you can find by clicking a few links near the bottom of this blog. If you love me, you'll stay the course and keep on reading. But if you hate me, you'll skip on ahead and your computer will burn up and explode.

But look at that thing! Man, we really thought this was cool. You were the cream of the crop if you cared that much about your band, or at least pretended to care. Hell, we didn't even have to have music at this point, this banner made it look like you not only had a few hit albums out, but were touring the globe and making heaps of money. Which is just the lie we were looking for!

Don't be fooled, dear readers, because this was just the tip of our online juggernaut. Much more to come!

Our next album, "The Traveling Vampire Show" ushered in bigger and better banners (which isn't obvious from the above) but we had everything whipped up for us. Giant headers, side things, miniature things that flashed and popped, etc. It was incredible, and we took full advantage of over saturating the online universe with our crap.

We even had a grip of "add me" images made, too, which is beyond obsolete these days. For those that aren't privy, they were used to spice up the average myspace profile, and only just a minor touch to our incredible online enterprise. Man, we were kings of over-doing your band profile. I mean, you had to go above and beyond, and we did. We had it all. WE RULED THE INTERNETS.

But, as they say, all things must die. Especially these banners. Unfortunately, I really like the way they look, and the wasted effort and energy spent creating and learning the bare minimum of .html is heartbreaking. They're all just WWW trash at this point -- but I ain't getting rid of them just yet. Forever they will stay hosted online, immortal and untouched.

For the next album we did more of the same, which is to say we now tripled our database of offensive eyesores. I have a feeling we contributed to myspace's destruction.

We got our buddy, Eric Blair to do these (I think he did 'em for the previous record, too) but this run of ads are my favorites. Lots of neat colors, radiating eyes, words commanding your money. It was a beautiful thing that a select few had the privilege to witness, and although our myspace is still up with these exact banners flapping in the online wind, it just ain't the same. It's hard to rationalize or even wonder why, but I miss it. I miss those wild and exciting days of beautiful, simple and extraordinary myspace. Let us pray.

Anyway, check it out if you're curious as to what we were up to in the last eight years! Or, if you're busy, check back in another eight, because they'll still be hosted in a eternal online limbo. Trust me. and at!

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