Monday, October 12, 2009

WOLF HEAD RED EYES OF DEATH. Target, You Sly Sonnavabitch, You've Done it Again.

I'm never one to complain about over-the-top Halloweenization. I'm all for pure nuttiness when it comes to the holiday, I want it in my face and in my life for a month straight. I wanna be so sick of ghosts, ghouls and melted Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that I'll swear off Halloween for the rest of my life. Or at least for eleven months. Oh, fuck I'm a liar. I'll still be hardcore celebrating come November 1st, you know it and I know it. Rock and roll.

These days, I find myself judging a store's worth by the effort they put into their holiday cheeriness. I like to think that Halloween is still in favor with us consumer whore shoppers, and how a simple dashing of fake cobwebs can really spark a Halloween "I want every fake rat and skull head here" mood, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't seem to be on the decline. Where are the witch-y cut-outs for the drab, boring windows? No grinning, waving, Death animatronic outside of the store's entrace to greet you on your way in? It's not a life or death situation, but, ya know...I like Death. We all like Death. It's fucking Halloween, people!

So through my travels, I ended up at Target. Not really in a trick or treat mood, more of a "hey, I'm at Target already, let's just see what they have in store for H-ween" kinda motive. Target has always been pretty spectacular when it comes to the holiday, or at least for as long as I can remember, or really, care to remember. It seems while every other store around will throw a bunch of masks and gorilla suits in a corner with a proclamation of "HALLOWEEN SECTION YAY," Target will take initiative and create their own signs, imagery, ideas and...hell, their own Halloween brand. The exclusive junk you'll only find in the aisles of Target can seriously outweigh all lot of other stores' junk. Wal-Mart may try, but fuck Wal-Mart. At least I won't feel like a commie shopping in the Targ.

Basically, I found this:

Pretty Goddam magical, eh?

Between their shiny and squishy ghost pillows and bloody wall clingers, they've got a nice selection of statue busts, very Haunted Mansion style. I would have totally picked them all up (there were vampires and other neat shit) but somehow, after years of not giving a crap, I was sucked back into more Star Wars collecting. No reason EVER to own another Nien Nunb figure, but I bought it, and I kinda-sorta regret. Just sorta, though. I'll save it for another blog!

The eyes come with a neat little feature of glowing a spooky red, and assuming I put batteries in it, would totally work and look cool. Instead, I decided to take a photo of it's non-glowing, uninteresting peepers. Maybe you can squint your eyes and pretend they're glowing. Hey, better than nothin'!

Like I said, Target really does have a solid grasp on how to keep Halloween fun and silly, with quite a bit merch catering to us weirdos. They've never let me down too bad, and this year proves no different. I say yes to Target. I say yes, indeed! Amen!

Also, this can, conceivably, be the raddest centerpiece to anyone's living space. Throw it on your desk and you're a sophisticated horror enthusiast, slap it on a bookshelf and you look like a demented genius. Clearly, you can stack hats, sunglasses and or masks of human faces (ooo, very lycan of me!) but there's only one true way to take advantage of this thing. My personal favorite:

Botte opener! There's absolutely no way that this can, will or should work, but it's the thought that counts. Maybe Target can take note and surprise us all with a wolf head that doubles as a tool to get us all drunk. Maybe? Maybe.

Happy Halloween!


  1. Dude, Target TOTALLY has the goods! I also make sure I go to about five of them on the day after Halloween to make sure I can score all the cool shit I couldn't afford before Halloween on clearance! I haven't seen that wolf's head...'cuz you KNOW I woulda snagged that bad boy if I had!

    I DID score a shitload of tombstones to display with my Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers and other horror action figures! BOOYAH!

  2. Even though I'm all about the halloween joy, I would have bought the star wars stuff too..

  3. Dude...I totally scored the same damn thing!

  4. Yeah - agreed. Target has the (dare I say it?) classiest mass-produced Halloween stuff I have ever seen. It's obviously they hired someone who "gets it," and knows some of us weirdos are going to use that stuff year-round!

    And Nov 1, it all goes on sale for 50% off.

    Mondo Vampire blog